Life through my eyes
Hello people, I'm back, after such a long time.(: If you're wondering why, I've to say that I have no idea either.

Well, I doubt anyone will be reading my blog now, since my blog has been inactive for about one and a half year. Haha, but it's okay. So I won't be notifying my friends that I've just posted something today. But if you happened to read this, please feel free to tag. :D I don't mind, so long as it's something positive. Haha.

Yup, I'm having mixed feelings about my life. I don't know why, is this normal? I always think about my past, and I can't help but to ask myself why so much has changed. Of course, I do understand that life is full of changes and it can never remain the same. But somehow I wish that life is half fantasy and half reality, so that it won't be like how it is right now. Don't get me wrong, I do love my current life, everything which I have. It's just that I want to relive my past,together with the present. Does that make sense?

I just feel a sense of sadness and emptiness within me. I realised that so many things have changed. In the past, my dad used to drive me to and fro school, so I had lots of chances to speak to him, whenever I like to. Now, I go to school and back home by myself, staring out of the windows, with my mind blank. In a way, it's something good as I am independent. However, now that life is like this, I can't be like before, I can't speak to my dad like before. Although my dad still fetches me after my cca once or twice a week,I'm so afraid that I'll get used to this and eventually I won't even bother to speak to him like how I did in the past again.

It was my dad's birthday on May 17. It so happened that I've to go for squash on that day, 6pm till 8pm. For many nights before that day, I felt so upset. Every night before I went to sleep, I would think about it. Whenever I did this, I would be reminded of how much effort I would put in to make my dad a birthday card during my childhood and how much time I would spend with him on this special day every year. But for these few years, the feeling was entirely different, it was not of anticipation of watching my dad blow the candles, instead it was of an inch of sadness which I believe would not go away. I guess this is because I finally understood the meaning of celebrating birthdays every year, people are ageing and they are moving ahead in life, leaving the present behind. In the end, the night before my dad's birthday, I asked my mum whether I can skip squash, so that I can go home earlier. Yay and I really did, haha.I also realised that time flies extremely fast on these special days and I really dislike this. It doesn't just apply to my dad, it also applies to all my loved ones.

At times, I will observe everyone around me, to try to come to terms with all these changes. I will look at my siblings and acknowledge the fact that we're really changing. In the past, we used to quarrel over the slightest matter, over a computer and etc. Now, my older brother owns a laptop, my younger brother owns a desktop and I own a laptop. There's no reason we should ever fight among ourselves again. I will look at my parents, I can see strands of white hair on their heads. This pains me as I don't want them to grow old so soon.

Recently, I read my friends' blogs, I'm just curious about their lives. I read a post which is on her family going out together to celebrate her grandma's birthday. I find that so sweet, really. But again, I suddenly feel so emotional, probably because I have not seen my grandma for ages, perhaps years? She lives in Malaysia and we can't really find time to visit her. Yes, so it also means that we haven't been spending alot of time with her too, I wonder how she's coping? She'd always tell us to go back whenever she's on the phone with us. But I know that we won't be going back any time soon, at the same time, I can't bear to say no. So, I'd always reassure her that we'd definitely do so. I can't believe that I'm one who breaks promises, I have been saying that for years, but I've never made it come true.):

Life through my eyes, should I be happy, sad or have mixed feelings about it?