A coincidence?
I wished teachers happy teachers' day today.Haha.

I went back to my Primary school.So many people there, I met some old friends, greeted them and started conversations.Alright, all of them have grown taller, okay.

I was walking near the basketball court, when I saw three guys walking outside, one holding an umbrella, as it was raining, sheltering himself and his two friends.I find one of them, the way of walking familiar, I narrowed my eyes, to make sure tt I could see better.I realised tt it's tt guy,they are my schoolmates.I made conclusions tt they would be coming in as this might be their primary school.They continued to bring themselves closer and closer to the main gate, I was looking at them in a weird way, one of them noticed me, he looked at me while walking.I looked at him too.I turned my head to elsewhere, and turned back again.Phew, he had decided to focus on the path he was walking on.Haha.I walked away.

After sometime, I went to the canteen.I saw them at the drink stall.I was shocked, I didn't know tt they were really coming in.I turned myself to elsewhere, and I talked to myself"omg, so scary, they scare me, why are they here?"I have no idea if they were from my primary school too.But I was surprised.When I was in primary three, they should be in primary six.But I don't remember seeing them.Not even the slightest impression.Really.One of them..really, so many times of coincidence.I saw him almost everywhere.I pretended I didn't see them, and I sat down on the bench with my two brothers.They walked past me, went to a wooden bench not far away and of course sat down.You know something?I don't know if it was my imagination, I was trying to see why they are there, so I took a quick peek at them, erm.. maybe I shouldn't use the word 'peek', anyway, it's my eyes.I saw one of them, as though he was looking at me, with his arms placed on the wooden table, 45 degrees upright, and his forehead was covered by his erm..wad do we call tt?(after the palm)And I could only see his eyes and nose, haha.Could you imagine everything which I described?And if I am not wrong, he should be looking in my direction, maybe he was wondering why I was there too.

After sometime, I went home.I was doing something when my younger brother disturbed me, he shook my arms continuously, thus causing me not able to do something.I told him patiently not to disturb me for a few times.But, he just didn't listen.He continued doing tt, and I actually wanted to hit him to warn him, but accidentally, I hit his face, his spectacle too.He shut his eyes for a while, and then opened again, saying"it's damaged."After tt,my mom complained to my dad tt my brother was playful and irritating whereas I am too "polite".I was so angry.I admit tt I was in the wrong.But, he was also in the wrong.He thought tt it's still okay to wear.And just now, a few minutes ago, my mom said"look at wad you had done!you had damaged your brother's spectacle!."I didn't reply her.Although she did reprimanded my brother for disturbing me in the afternoon, but it's not enough.She just said"stop disturbing her, if anything happens, don't come to me."

If my brother could be more understanding and stop inviting troubles, then I wouldn't be so upset at home.Always the one getting scolded, and the one being blamed as though I was only the one in the wrong.She is unfair!If my brother could be like tt, then there will be peace everyday.He really made me fed up, and in the end, I would be the one getting the most scoldings.Where is justice?where has the word"fair"gone to?I tried all means to tolerate him, to make him understand everything, to make him be a better boy.But, when I tolerated, he took things for granted and he began going too far, treating me like a dog, like a slave, like a nobody in his eyes.I don't think he even takes me for a elder sister, if I am lucky, maybe he regards me as his younger sister.Damn it!How could he do tt?And my mom just don't understand.She thought advices and a little bit of scoldings and warnings would be good enough, look at the state my younger brother is in now.He has no respect for anyone, no respect for even his own parents, he thought everything he does is always right.And me?I am just a nobody in his eyes, a person who doesn't exists, a person who he thinks is not fit to be his sister.And wad could I say?He had insulted me before, a very bad one.He has scolded me with vulgarities before, even worse than the words which I used.He has blamed me before, for almost everything.He has gifted me with lots of scoldings, scoldings which would always be remembered by my mom for wad I did.He would always be pushing everything to others, then he wouldn't have to do anything, tt makes him a king.He has authority in this house, he is abusing it, he doesn't even have the right to have it.He orders people around, ordering his dad, tt means my dad, "pa!help me go and take my water bottle","pa!wa lao, you very stupid, like this also don't know how to do, don't know why you became my dad","I wonder why you became my dad."He always argues with me with things which were not applicable or which were not true, "you love him right?I know who he is, you have bf right?"He would always be there "brightening" up my day.Look at him, isn't he kind?I am not saying tt I am good, I just mean tt he shouldn't do those things, at least change bit by bit, I won't mind.

Yes, you were right.
I agree with Jasmine tt Jacie had changed, it's quite obvious.I am really petty, today when we were writing Journal, Jacie sat beside me, we were told to write on the topic of Teachers who inspire us, I'm not sure of wad to write, so I thought for a while before I started.After sometime,Jacie read wad I wrote and started writing into her Journal Book, maybe copied a little bit.Okay, I told you tt I am petty.Then, after a while, she read again.After a while, she turned her head again, then I shifted my book to my left, and she shifted my book closer to her.I said"Jacie, you should write by yourself, don't copy la, later teacher found out tt we wrote almost the same thing, then it wouldn't be good."I was harsh.After saying tt, she said"I don't know wad to write, orh, okay lor."She sounded like I have hurt her.I went deep in thought,"should I apolgise?should I rephrase wad I said just now?I didn't mean it."After I completed my Journal writing, she was still writing.I was hoping tt she would read again, then I would just let her read and write down the things she wants.Unfortunately, she didn't, and I couldn't bring myself to apologise, like I would sound weird right?So,I pretended to shift the book closer to her, slowly.Then, she still didn't read.Just right, she completed her writing.Then I said"wow, you wrote really long."I wanted to see if she was angry with me.Sigh..I am too petty.I have to change.Actually, when I was writing halfway through, I realised tt my pen ink was going to be used up, so, I said"Jacie, can you lend me a pen?"She was really willing to lend me.After the Journal writing, she still asked me"do you still need a pen?If you want, then I lend you this first."I was guilty.She is still so nice to me after wad I said.I have to repay her.I mean to treat her better and nicer.

Today,D&T lesson, Michelle who sat beside me, talked to me.I couldn't hear, so she repeated again and again till she took a deep breath, meaning she was frustrated.Then a few times, she said something, and I mistaken her for saying another sentence, and she said"Celeste, earlier I was feeling unconfortable, but now, after talking to you, I felt much better."Then I said"huh?"
The teacher demonstrated something to us, on how to use some things to do something.Making a photo frame,he showed us how to use the..wad do we call tt?erm.. okay, it's used for heating woods?heating the line.So tt we can bend it.After I did tt, I forgot the next step and I looked blankly at the teacher, using my expression to tell him tt I need his help, he helped me,he said"like this, like this and like this."He told me to press on it for a while,"till the fellow dies."Anyway, I don't understand wad tt means.I asked him"should I continue pressing it?"He said"you have to check."I said"check?erm.."I thought to myself"how to check?"Well, he asked me"so do you still have to press on it?"I said"erm..yes?no?no?yes?"Of course I mumbled to myself or else I would be killed by him.Then after tt, he said"hey, you bent the line before tearing the paper?you should tear the paper first."When he demonstrated, he did said tt, but when he helped me, he never remind me.Then he said"didn't I tell you not to make the mistake?"Then he said"no choice, tear till you cannot tear anymore."I said"how to tear?"

Jasmine said"you very stupid leh, so stupid la."Then I said" I am like this, very slow."And I sighed.She said"that's wad I like about you, when you are slow, another meaning "toot", there is a high possibility tt you wouldn't think of cunning methods."Sigh.. Jasmine, you also same as me..sometimes you also go"huh?"I like her expressions, so funny.You didn't see her daily expressions, haha.I am not criticising her or anything, I just meant tt I like her expressions.Wait till you see her expressions, haha.

Meaning?
Yesterday, my friend told me something which was embarrassing.When I went back from the restroom, another of my friend asked me wad she said, oops, I couldn't believe tt I'm stupid enough, it slipped my mind tt I shouldn't even breathe one word about wad she told me.I told her when I was not supposed to do so.Then, outside the math homeroom, she asked her if wad I said was true.She made me so angry, it's infuriating tt I said something which I shoudn't, and then she..still asked her if wad I said was true.Then, she "exploded", I was stunned.Sigh.. sorry.She didn't made it clear to me tt I couldn't even tell anyone, but anyway, obviously, I didn't used my common sense.I couldn't even differentiate between the right and the wrong.I am really sorry.At first, I also lost my temper as the friend who asked me wad she said asked her for the truth and told her tt I told her tt.But, after the math lesson,I apologised to her.As it's my fault.

Today I said "excuse me" to one of my friends, the friend whom I mentioned above, the one who asked me wad she said.And then she said"why your excuse me like..."And I said"like not sincere enough?"She said"yes."I don't know what's wrong with her or me.I just said the usual "excuse me."Then she repeated it again"I feel tt it's not sincere enough."I said"then please don't stand in front of me again okay?"I said tt in a fit of anger,I didn't mean it.I was on the way with Jasmine to somewhere.So, on the way, I repeated the words again and again"excuse me, excuse me."She thought tt I was mad.I was just testing wad went wrong.Then, in the English homeroom, when she stood in front of me, I said"excuse me."After she moved to one side, I said"thank you."I seriously wants to change although I don't know wad went wrong.

Jasmine love CW.Any idea wad is CW?Chicken Wings.Okay, I am lame.

My mistake
I read her blog, I don't know how to express myself.(I am not a les)I just felt a sudden sadness,she thought tt the problem lies on her, but I think it's actually me.I said tt I would share weal and woes with all my best friends, tt means her too.I failed to do so.She said after she read my blog, her heart sank.She didn't get to comfort me as I didn't tell her my problem face to face to her.She thought tt it's just her wishful thinking tt we are best friends.I found nothing wrong with her.If she was angry with me for not telling her wad happened about the Scientist project, tt means it's something good, she cares for me as a best friend.How could I comfort myself at this time?..Really hopeless.But, anyway, I do comfort myself at times.

She sms me today telling me tt she has something to discuss with me(not Jasmine).I called her immediately upon seeing the message.Oops, I forgot wad she told me, but we talked abit about homework and so on, and she told me something."I bought a new..." "!!",was wad I had in mind.I said"a new...?"I actually wanted to say"why are you telling me this?"Then, I said"it must be very nice, so good.."Actually I mean wad I said, it's just tt she doesn't have to tell me about tt.Sharing good news with me. I appreciated tt.Of course it's something good.

I couldn't believe it, at first it's her, then Zilin, then Jasmine.Things change so quickly, like problems changed everything.Just a small conflict caused a big change.Jealousy was the main cause, I guess.And left out was another one.I recalled almost everything.I remembered once, recently, Jasmine told me tt she could help me with the Science homework the minute I call her up.In the night, I really called her, she said"I go and take my angel's wings and then fly down to Earth to help you."And she started laughing.I didn't get her, so I thought for a while, and then after a minute or so, I said"orh" while laughing.Then, she said"why did you laugh only by now?"I really have slow reactions.After tt, she told me tt one friend of ours didn't do the first question, and I asked her a question"why she didn't do?why she doesn't want to do?"She didn't get me and kept on saying"huh?" and I kept on repeating the question.Finally, she said"orh, how I know?!"At tt moment, I then realised tt I have wasted a few minutes just to ask her a stupid question,"why she didn't do?"Why did I ask her tt?And how was she supposed to know why?Then, we started laughing again.

Smile, smile, smile.

The whole
Jasmine, if you want to know wad happened tt night.I could tell you now.Almost the whole story.I will give you a clear one.At first, I was angry with her.But now, I don't think so.

I went home late.I rushed through everything to do the Scientist project.I knew tt I have to complete it otherwise we would all fail.She told me tt she could help me save into a diskette after I completed everything.After deleting some words, I called her and told her to copy and paste them into Microsoft Word for word counting.I admit tt I was lazy, but it's right tt she helps me.I couldn't possibly complete everything by myself and you know?Like I deserve to do everything.She said tt she doesn't know how to, she sounded unwilling to do tt.So, I replied her"Forget it, I will do it by myself!"Then, I slammed down the phone while my tears rolled down my cheeks.My elder brother saw me crying.I started copy and paste them into Microsoft Word when she called me, I ignored the first call.She called again, this time round, I answered.She said"I know how to count already."But, I said"nevermind, I will do it by myself, I am doing the summary now, bye!"Well, I deserve it.Who asked me to be so stubborn, but if you were me, when you were at the point of anger, you would declined everything.After doing, it was already about ten plus.I called her, I was told tt she had slept.I was even more angry, she had said tt she would help me save them into a diskette and in the end, she slept first.I couldn't save them into a diskette so I decided to print them out, printed halfway through when the printer broke down.I was pissed off.I felt so helpess.I kept a lookout for my family before I started crying again.I sat on the chair, crying, blaming myself, blaming her, wondering why everything is against me.After sometime, I wiped my tears and told my Dad tt the printer had boken down.Like this, the time dragged on, it was already about eleven plus.I told my dad to help me print them out at night, I want to sleep first.He said"it will be done soon, you will print them out."Then I waited for a few minutes and I couldn't stand it.I lost my temper due to my tiredness.Then, my dad agreed to help me after much bugging.I left the room crying.My parents were shocked to see me crying like tt, they hadn't seen me crying like tt before.I was on my bed crying till 12 am till I slept.

I have decided to forgive and forget.When I saw her on Friday, I began to feel tt I would be harsh to her if I am angry with her.I don't know what is wrong with me.Anyway, it's over and what's done cannot be undone, so it's pointless to be angry with her.I was angry with her for sleeping before she save the information into a diskette, telling me tt she doesn't know how to word count the words, making me cry.Letting me feel tt no one is there to help me.I was actually thinking of how I should end, when I thought of all of you and my family.I couldn't bear to do tt, and decided tt things would turn for the better.I want to have a happy teenage life.

How embarrassing it was?
Today chairpersons were told to meet Mdm Kaur(hope tt I get her name correct), I went to meet her as the chairperson had to do something.So embarrassing..after my friend wished me 'happy birthday', I ran to the back of the hall, thinking tt the teacher was already speaking to the chairpersons, when I stood in front of the teacher,he said"who are you?why are you here?"Actually it doesn't makes sense, how could a lady become a guy?I said"the chairpersons thing."Then he said"you have came to the wrong place, I am telling them about cca.""Oops!"I thought to myself, "how could I make such a mistake?"I walked away slowly, I could feel tt my face was red with embarrassment.Haha, I heard them laughing.Anyway, I don't mind about tt, they were right to laugh, even I myself laughed.

Yesterday's sadness and anger faded today when I arrived at school.I was unsure too.I received presents from some of my friends, and some wished me 'happy birthday'.I was happy enough.After school, I went out with my best friends, Jillian, Winnie, Ming Jiao, HuiLin.We went to Tiong Bahru.I was so happy.After sometime, Siew Miang was dismissed from school and she went there to join us.I received a big Winnie the Pooh from Winnie and Ming Jiao.And another big Winnie the Pooh from Siew Miang, Jillian and HuiLin.They at first didn't know wad they should buy for me, they brought me to a shop and told me to choose something I like.I hesitated, I didn't know wad to choose.They intended to buy a shirt for me, it was weird.Then, I told them"don't buy me a shirt la."After a long time, they decided to buy the Winnie the Pooh for me.It was so cute!Actually, I was not really in love with Winnie the Pooh, till today, when I received three Winnie the Poohs.I soon fell for it.The one which was from Winnie and Ming Jiao, there is a hole under it, it's already there, it's designed in such a way.The third Winnie the Pooh, was from a friend of mine, she gave me a small one.Winnie and Ming Jiao really cracked a joke, they placed the small one in the hole of it and they pull it out slowly saying"push, push, it's coming out soon."I laughed till mad.When I first opened the present which was from them, I hugged it and people thought tt I was mad.I simply love them!They were all great.

Thanks to everyone for giving me an early surprise for my birthday.I appreciated it and I love it.

I have decided to smile! I would try. I don't want to be old so soon.If I pull a long face, I would be old soon.

I cried
The Scientist Project was rejected by the teacher on Wednesday, reason is because the summary were too long.On tt day, I have cca, so I couldn't stay back.Today, after swimming lesson, I walked to the school and realised tt the school library was closed.So, I decided to come home and complete.When I arrived at home, it was already late, as my Dad and I waited for my elder brother's dismissal.When I came home, I really rushed.I deleted some of the words, one of my team mates said tt she will save them in a diskette, so when I completed them, I called her to count the words using Microsoft word.She said tt she doesn't know how to.Fine! I do it by myself again.I slammed down the phone and my tears welled up in my eyes, almost everything is done by me.I don't need the teachers to know anything about this.I was halfway through when she called me, she told me tt she knows how to count already.I was already halfway through and at the same time, I was already angry,I said"I am doing it now, call you later, bye."I realised tt they are short of words, I cracked my brain and added some words to the process skills.My tears was rolling down my cheeks while I was doing tt.She called again, first time, I didn't answer, second time she called, I answered to the call and told her tt I will call back later as I was doing the summary.Then after tt, about 10 plus, I called her, as I have completed everything, I guess, and I was told tt she had slept.And I was like.."sleeping?you haven't saved all these..how could you?!how could you do this to me?!"I thought to myself.I was so angry, cried again.I used my sleeve to wipe my tears.And I decided to print them out by myself as I was unable to save them into a diskette.I printed halfway through and the printer jammed.I was pissed off, I cried again.Wiped my tears and I told my Dad tt the printer jammed.

I was so tired and yet I know tt I can't sleep.The scientist Project was rejected by the teacher, I was so disappointed, the first time round, it was all done almost by me.This time too.One has tuition, another one has band, another one went to Tiong Bahru.I haven't even revised for my math test tomorrow, she slept earlier than I do, how lucky she was.I might fail the math test.Forget it. It will be me who fails, who cares, as long as she passes, she is happy, I am nothing.A test meant alot to me.And my emotions were affected badly by this.All I know is cry.I felt so helpless.So stressed.Could anyone understand?This is the worst birthday gift I had.She has the guts, good! I am not going to do anything to her.I will just remember everything.I don't want the teachers to know anything about this. I calmed myself down but to no avail.

Better now..
Things improved.She is alright now and I don't have much to talk about tt, as long as all of us are happy.

I read Jasmine's post.What is she talking about?I really don't understand.Haha..I really have slow reactions.So, jasmine..be patient with me.

Although Jasmine and I spent lesser time together today, but we had our fun times too.It's a little bored when she was not standing beside me,but nevermind.I am still feeling okay.I don't want her to tell me any more of those things which she thinks tt we should do(not Jasmine), I think she only tells me and not others.Like she just wants me to know it and that's all.I can't say anything to others.I am told not to do tt.Anyway, things are better now.I don't wish to ruin anything now, even if I am the one unhappy.

During the maths lesson,I really couldn't concentrate.The person in front talked to me, the person beside talked to me too.I told them to stop talking, and they just couldn't.

She was like telling me indirectly tt we are in the wrong, of course I know tt all of us are in the wrong.(Not Zilin, jasmine)She told me"actually she don't need to apologise, as the three of you are in the wrong, if one wants to apologise, all should do tt too."I was standing beside her, I turned my head to another side and I made an angry face and turned back to her with a normal expression.I don't want to explain to her why I got angry that was why I kept my anger to myself.But, I realised tt she has nothing bad except tt she advises me and irritates me sometimes.Her advices seem to have other meanings, but at the same time, they are advices.

Stress..
I used to wonder why people cry because of stress,I used to wnder why people did all sorts of things to get rid of stress.Now, I understand.I studied for the past few days and I realised tt my memory is getting from bad to worse.My reactions are slower than before.When my Mom told me to do something, I have to think awhile before I understand her, or I have to ask her to repeat herself.Now, she is worried for me.She said tt if it's the studying which causes all tt, stop studying so hard.I want to remain in Express.No pain, No gain.Work first, Play second.I am going to hang on there as long as I could till I am so tired of it.Help me.I get tired easily as I used alot of energy, I guess.It's really tiring.

Zilin cried today.Pointless to not reveal her name as I had already revealed in some posts.And anyway, my classmates know tt she cried.I am not going to blame her for anything.When she cried, I didn't know what to do, I was at a loss.I felt guilty, sad, angry.These added on to my stress.She cried because of Jasmine and me, she said tt she feel very stressed.So am I!And can she ever understand me?When some of my classmates told me tt she cried because of us, can you imagine how I was feeling?How I felt inside?How much stress, sadness I have inside?I just kept to myself in the class.She finally told me the reason why she was angry with us.And she asked me three questions, she said tt I have to answer honestly or else I will be strike by lightning.Why make things so serious?And she told us to go for recess by ourselves, we thought she meant it and we really did what she said.Then, all these added on to her sadness and anger.She can't expect us to read her mind, what she is thinking? I don't understand.Before today,I asked her if she was angry, she said"no."I asked her why she was angry, she said"I am not angry."I told her not to be angry, she still like told me tt she was not angry.I apologised, I don't know if she accepted it at tt time.I did everything I could, all she could answer only confuses me.I can't read her mind. What does she want?She cried today, I am guilty, all of us are in the wrong.Looking at her crying tortured me.Really.Like I just did something mean to her.If Jasmine and her want to patch things up, it's okay with me.I won't want things to end up this way.Stress.Understand?She is not the only one.I am too.Homework, revising, insufficient sleep, everything.

Scientist Project..
Actually, I cried yesterday.In school. Jasmine and I stayed back to do our project.We were unable to complete it in time.And I told Jasmine to bring the diskette home and open the folder and send it to me as attached file.When I was with my dad, she called me, telling me tt she couldn't send it to me.I was so worried and anxious.I taught her other methods but to no avail.Then I told her to save it first, save into your computer.Then she said"save?how to save?I don't know how to, how?"I was already frustrated,angry,worried and she added on to my emotions.Then I really lost my temper, "SAVE LA, SAVE INTO YOUR COMPUTER,SAVE!"And then we ended our conversation at a certain time, I said"DON'T NEED TO SAVE ALREADY, FAIL FAIL LOR, BYE BYE."And I cried immediately after tt.But, everything is solved already.

Today, Jasmine was walking beside me.And I said"Jasmine, I'm sorry about yesterday, I lost my temper,I really didn't mean it, sorry, I was really angry tt time."Then she told me tt she is sorry too.

No time..
I have been busy for the past few days, therefore, I didn't post any.I was busy with the scientist project, homework, tests and a few more.Alot of things happened in the past few days tt I couldn't even recall some of them.

I realised tt Jasmine and I have been neglecting Zilin for the past few days as we were always playing.Zilin was unhappy about tt.Of course, if I were her, I would be like tt too.But, she told us not to play, therefore, we have no choice but to leave her out.But coming to think about it, she is really neglected by us and it doesn't feels good and she is really sad.That time after YEC, it's about 4.30pm, she told us to go to the library with her.I asked Jasmine if she wants to go, and Jasmine also asked me.Actually, I wasn't really willing to go as I have to get home earlier.But, how could I say"Zilin, you go yourself la, I don't have time."Jasmine and I were not able to make a decision.Then Zilin said"nevermind la, you two go home la, I go myself, is it so difficult to make a decision?!Then she walked away.I was stunned, really.Yesterday, Design & Tech pratical lesson, Jasmine sat with me.Zilin looked really unhappy about it.And why?I let ZIlin sit with Jasmine for almost every lesson and why can't she just let me sit with her for at least one time?After the lesson, she said"do you know why I let the two of you sit together?""It's because I don't want to interrupt the two of you."Fine! she wants to sit with jasmine right?Okay! "you can always choose what you want, I can't choose as I am always the stupid one."

Today, she told me tt she has been feeling sad and hurt when she sees Jasmine and I playing, leaving her out.She said tt sometimes she cries at night when she thought of our friendship.I'm deeply guilty about tt.But we didn't mean it.When we play with her, she will say"stop it la, don't play, so childish."Then, how should we not leave her out?I don't understand.She told Jasmine and I to go for recess by ourselves, and tt she will go with others.I have somehow apologised.I told her not to be angry.But, she is still like this.If she is unhappy about Jasmine sitting with me during the Design & Tech lesson, then at most I will change seat.I'm deeply guilty when she told me tt she cries at night, and I'm really sorry for neglecting her.

Trying..
Well, things improved.I was able to concentrate.Except tt I was feeling tired.Sigh.. tried the diskette which I saved the science information in it, I tried it in school, and nothing came out.I think I did saved correctly.So,I think the problem is with the diskette and I bought another one.I saved it at home again.And then when I tried opening the information, nothing came out.So, I think I will either print out or copy out.Well, if I copy, it isn't bad, it's a form of exercise for my fingers and hand right?

Tomorrow staying back for cca again.So, I won't have so much free time.I have to do lots of things no matter what.

No mood to type any longer, too tired.And when can everything be going smoothly, even the computer is against me.

I am lost..
First day of being the Vice Chairman.Well, I'm beginning to feel tt I'm not up to it.I was lost today, in lessons, I couldn't concentrate, especially during the Science lessons.I felt so stressed.I tried to concentrate, tried to understand wad the teacher was talking about.But, I just couldn't get it right.And after the teacher explained, we were told to do our pratical book, I am even lost.And we were told to discuss with our partners,I was feeling so frustrated so I decided to do it on my own first,so as to prevent myself from losing my temper.I tried to understand the questions, I realised tt my partner also don't understand the questions.So,I was really mad.I really controlled myself.After tt, it was the math lesson.When we were standing outside the homeroom, she touched my hair saying"your hair'stand up' already,here a little bit come out already."She kept on touching my hair.Of course I know tt my hair was messy.I told her to stop it, she just kept on saying and touching.I said"CAN you STOP touchING my hAIr?!"I was really tolerating.Really.I almost shouted at her.Why am I lacking confidence?Why am I so incapable?Sigh..I am still going to try my best.Till I feel tt I have given my best and yet I still can't achieve wad is needed or expected.Celeste is stupid?Maybe..

Wad is wrong with me?I will try concentrating tomorrow.For the sake of everyone and myself.I can do it right?Hey, I think I am really mad.A while, I will say tt I am lost, stressed.Another moment,I am saying tt I will try.In the end, nothing comes out.Still the same old person who doesn't even have confidence and has only worries.

Classmates,I am really going to try my best.To keep the disappointment at the lowest level.But, that is impossible.I am not good in anything.Here I goes again.Nevermind, I will try! I wish myself good luck.Whenever I sees my form teacher's face, I'm really worried tt I will do something wrong and get scolded.Okay, okay, I try!

Seven years of friendship..
Seven years so long
Yet same school still
Ended up as old friends
Maybe we are fated to
Both wear spectacles
Maybe future-lens
Ears we have shall be lend
As the key to we,friends
Till the end


Yeah, seven years of friendship, since Primary one till now.I still have a few of their contacts.One of them is Kok Woo.At first, we were at Mei Chin Primary School.Then, we were all transferred to Queenstown Primary school which Mei Chin Primary,Tanglin Primary and Queenstown Primary merged to be.I was surprised when I saw Kok Woo ended up in the same secondary school as me.Of course I felt happy too.Haha, it's really a coincidence, not a bad one.

I dreamt of him(not Kok Woo) holding my hands.Lol,I struggled to have my hands free, but to no avail.He kept on holding my hands, unwilling to let go.I managed to get off free for a few times, but he held my hands again.It was a dream,Phew, really scare me.

Prepared to stay back from Monday to Friday.Actually, I would choose to go home earlier to rest, do the things which I like.But, if I failed the Science test, there will be nothing I could do right?

Can I really do it?
I told my fren to promise me one thing"if I'm sad, you have to comfort me please?"It's about the vice chairman thingy.Well, I think I am really mad.She answered"sure."Haha, and I asked her if I am fit to be the vice chairman, I just want to like get some comments and maybe it could make me feel better.I asked a male classmate of mine if I'm good enough.I'm really worrying.He told me to tell myself"I can do it, I can do it, I can do it, I will lead the class, everything will be fine."Actually, I have been doing tt for years.No kidding.Maybe all my worries are extras, maybe on Monday, the teacher will change her mind and say"I've decided to change the vice chairman."I can't imagine my reactions, would I be sad or happy?Haha, I don't know.Isn't tt weird of me?I'm not smart, I have a bad sense of direction, slow reactions, no leadership qualities, not good at doing anything, good at spouting nonsense, good at looking at the ground, there is nothing good about me.Maybe some of my frens would be angry with me for condemning myself.But since that is the truth, I don't have to hide anything.Therefore, please don't be angry with me.What I need most is self-confidence.I don't think I even have 1% of it.

Another worry is the Science test result.My teacher told us to be prepared to stay back from Monday to Friday.Alright, actually, I don't really worry about this as long as I'm able to spend the time with my frens.

I have been trying to change my temper as much as I could to be a better fren as well as a better person.Well, no one would like to have a bad-tempered fren right?Of course I wouldn't want any of my frens to dislike me, so, don't worry, I will change! Besides tt, I want to learn to be independent, to be able to make decisions myself, to be able to do things by myself.I'm turning thirteen this year, I can't expect my parents to worry about me right?I want to study hard to make them happy.I'm trying to save up in case of any rainy days.I am hoping to be able to make lots of frens, so tt wherever I am in the school, I have frens around me.

Well,since Jasmine gave me something which symbolises our frenship, therefore, I made her something too.Hope tt she will like it.You all must be feeling bored whenever I talk about my day right?Haha, I'm like tt, very irritating and troublesome.

Worrying..
A day which really surprised me. I'm voted to be the vice chairman, this is the second chance, for the first chance, it was given to me by my form teacher, however, I gave it up.This second chance was given to me by my classmates.Well, honestly, I don't have confidence in myself.I am actually considering if I should give up this chance too.Am I mad?I don't know what I'm thinking.My fren told me tt confidence is the most important thing tt she wants me to possess.She said tt she don't see any bad reason about being the vice chairman, thus, she thinks tt I should try.Well, I think it's time I really give myself a chance.I really don't have confidence at all, but maybe I could make use of this chance to at least let myself experience the life of a vice chairman, if any classmates complain, then it's okay, I will give up.I really don't have confidence at all.

My English teacher asked me"why did you give up the first chance of being the vice chairman?"I replied"I'm not good enough." I really replied tt.

Jasmine gave me something which symbolises our frenship.I would treasure it.I think in this year, she is the first new best fren whom I can confirmed.We really can't stop playing together when we are together.Well, in the canteen, maybe the students thought tt we are mad, but tt doesn't matter, wad matters is the frenship we have.Haha, I am going mad too.I think I will even smile when I'm sleeping, isn't tt too exaggerating?I will think about all my best frens, think about one day, if all of us meet up and all became best frens.I will let my imagination run wild.

At the beginning of the math lesson, he pushed my chair in and I said"don't play la."He said"I will 'pull out' the chair for you and I will push in the chair for you when you want to sit down."I said"no need, no thanks."When we sat down, he said"I'm really happy."I can't concentrate.He kept on talking to me.I was really trying hard to focus, finally, I said"Clement!could you please keep quiet?I want to concentrate, please understand."Am I a lil bit too harsh?Then he really kept quiet, he "zipped" his mouth.He was still smiling.Then the teacher asked us to do something, I wasn't paying attention, so I asked him"wad do we have to do?"He didn't reply me,I asked a few times but he still didn't reply me, and then I recalled tt I've already zipped his mouth.I don't know whether to laugh or to be angry.Once, he suddenly tapped on my shoulders, I said"wait la, very fast one, shhh."He tapped alot of times and I finally turned to him and I saw words written on his exercise book so I read, it read"unzip my mouth now, and help me erase these words."

Realised something..
Well, I forgot to give my elder brother the birthday card which I made..sigh..he has gone for the camp.Honestly, I started to miss him.Haha.He and I shared a bedroom, so I will have the bedroom all by myself till sunday morning, I guess.

Woke up about 9 plus today as I decided tt it's bored sleeping.And it's even boring after waking up, nothing to do, my younger brother was already using the computer when I woke up.He is always the one using the computer the most.My Mom and Dad were still sleeping, so I have no one to talk to, my younger brother would prefer using the computer to talking to me as we could hardly not quarrel.I just said"you don't know one la, still dare to say!"Then he started shouting at me"you SHUT UP,no one asks you to say anything, GO AWAY!" When I started using the computer, he told me to complete my work quickly so tt he could continue playing his game, and I was doing something important, he scolded me with vulgarities.

When my Mom told me to fold the clothes with her, I said"what about him?he has to fold the clothes too unless he don't want to wear any of them."And my Mom said"I will leave some for him, what's wrong with you?why are you always like this?"I said" it's true, everything has to be shared equally."I admit tt I was lazy, and always hoping tt I would not have to do anything.After folding the clothes, I said"how come he don't have to fold anything?"My Mom said"he did just now, it's just tt you didn't see him doing tt."And I was really hopping mad,I said"stop lying for him!"She said" it's true, see?he had placed the clothes into the wardrobe."

Read my fren's blog today, haha, I like her post, she talked about me, saying tt I have funny reactions whenever she tickles me, she said tt she loves tickling me and she is happy to see me tomorrow.Haha,thank you Jasmine.I find her good in everything except tt whenever she is in a bad mood, she will really be in a bad mood and she will even somehow ignore me, haha, I am like tt too.And when I told her to accompany me to the restroom or anywhere, she don't want to,and I would be like pulling her bag or pulling her arm while pleading her to accompany me, then when she still refused, I would start to get angry and walked off myself, really angry, really walked off by myself.However, she is still a nice fren.

Sadness or happiness?
Today is my elder brother's birthday, right, his birthday falls on the National Day.Had a wonderful day.I felt guilty after recalling how rude I had been for the past days, but, he is still so patient and nice towards me although sometimes he does loses his temper.So many of his frens sms him to wish him' happy birthday.' I'm happy for him.He will go for camping tomorrow, looks like I will have one less person to quarrel with then, is tt something good or bad? Hope tt he would enjoy tomorrow's camp as he is really looking forward to this camp.When the teacher told him tt there is no more space, tt means he and some of his frens wouldn't be able to go for the camp, he was really anxious and sad.He said tt this camp would really be fun.Fortunately, he has a chance to go for the camp now.

Well, I think I said something wrong a few days ago to my fren.He was already feeling sad and I added on to his sadness.Now then I realised.Isn't tt a bit too late?I don't think he has time to bother about wad I said, so.. erm..I will be careful with my words in future.

Great Day..
Wondered why my posts are long and detailed? It is because I want people to understand how I feel and understand me at any situations.

It was fun.Especially the activities in the homeroom.We ate curry rice, we played games, we ate snacks, we arranged the tables and chairs and so on.I had a great time with my classmates even though I was down with flu.They were enjoying themselves too, their smiles and laughters were wad I want.It made me feel happy too.Sigh.. the one small packet of chocolate was to be shared between her and me, and then she forgot and brought it home.Wonder if she had eaten up all.

We were told to clear up after the mini party, the teacher instructed me to do this and tt about the coca cola, but, I was not listening to her while she was giving instructions to me, then she said" okay, go and do it now." I was lost, I thought to myself"do wad?wad has she said?"So, I followed myself blindly to the restroom as I thought I heard her saying"go to the restroom and pour this away."Ahaha.. I brought the bottle of coca cola to the restroom and I placed it on the toilet bow, beside the round thingy which we press to flush.Phew, I was about to pour the whole bottle of coca cola away when I thought to myself"why would she waste it?There is so much left."Then I stopped myself.I threw the plastic bags away and I wash the bottle of coca cola as I realised tt on the outer surface of the bottle, some liquids were on it.And I went back to the room, and the teacher said"where are the plastic bags?" I thought for a while before I replied"the plastic bags are dirty, so I threw them away."Actually, there were already coca colas in the plastic bags, so, tt means I did not lie to her.

And Jiayou to all my classmates or anyone, be it at school or anywhere.It's not the end of the world.Move on to the future.Always try again. I think I am going to fail my Science test.Learn to be optimistic unlike me.Friends are there for you.

nothing is wrong with me right?
Today,almost scared out of my wits..There he goes again.It must be my mind which was playing tricks on me again.He sat just beside me during the Math lesson, and then he sat really close, I was looking at somewhere else when I sensed tt something was beside my thigh, lol, then I moved myself towards the right a lil bit, but I realised tt my skirt was pinned to the chair, later I realised tt his hand was pressing on my skirt, haha..must be did accidentally again.Then, he called me a few times, I said"shhh, don't disturb me, don't disturb me la."Then he used his hands and "shook" my arms, I didn't really took much notice of tt, then he "shook" my arms again this time higher.No choice, but to listen to wad he has got to say.Once, he told me to lend him a piece of tissue, I took one out and then I separated it into three layers since he just wants to wipe something.Then, he said"give me the other two too." Then, the next thing I know was tt the other two pieces disappeared.And he did something which made me uneasy too.He took some kind of thing, a lil bit sticky, but it's not dirty, he used it and paste onto my arm, and he used his fingers to rub against tt thing, of course he did rub against my skin too.Then, I felt a sudden ticklish and my hair stands on their ends.So, I said"hey, don't play la,hahaha."

Tat is too much..
Yesterday, I quarrelled with my elder bro because of the computer, I wanted to use it and he said"I won't let you use it as you are always like this too when I wanted to use it in the past."Then I was really offended by wad he said and I argued with him.Then, I finally used my palm to hit against the table while I shouted"fucker."Sigh..can you believe I said tt?Yeah, I really did, for those who think tt I am a very good girl, you are wrong.And after tt, I pushed the telephone to one side.And I stormed off angrily towards my bedroom.Actually, I was really wrong for not letting my elder bro to use the computer when he told me to, but, he has this habit of asking me to let him use wheneverI started using for a while, and how can he expect me to stop?And, my mother came into my room and pinched me, it doesn't hurt, then she said" since when did you all learn how to push and throw things around?"Once she switched off the light, I started crying.I was really angry.

Well, one of my close frens shares locker with her, and the locker doesn'tbelongs to my close fren.I don't understand.Since she doesn't regard her as her fren, why must she still 'use' her and pretends to regard her as a fren?We told her to remove her books from the locker and tat we will tell her all the truth, but, she said"I have alot of books inside, I have to clear them bit by bit."Fine! I can understand tt, and then after sometime, we decided not to tell her the truth.But, tt doesn't mean tt she don't have to clear her books right?Sometimes, I can't understand her.Why must she do tt to her?I think she hates her.So, why must she still shares locker with her?That is the problem with her, sometimes, she tells us to throw things for her, to do things for her, fine! although we are unhappy, but we still did it for her. But why must she go to such extent tt she could even share locker with someone she hates?Yeah, the books are heavy, but tt doesn't mean tt she could do tt.I just feel tt this is too much.In life, of course, we made use of one another, but isn't this too much and heartless?And why is she so silly to share the locker with her?It's way too much.She claims tt she doesn't like her, and yet she is still sharing locker with her, somemore, it's free.I didn't say tt she should pay money to thank her for sharing locker with her, I just mean tt she should just stop finding aneasy way out in anything as this is too much.

Praying hard..
I sat for the science class test today, I don't think I have a chance to pass, I will have a chance to stay back then.I guess I really tried my best.Even if I manage to pass, it won't be something good.I am really hoping tt I will be able to pass the test for at least some of the efforts I put in.

Nothing much happened today.Except tt I stayed back with my fren to do a project.We occupied a computer, another of our fren occupied the computer beside us.When he saw tt we were about to save the information into the diskette, he said"hey, don't leave first, wait for me, I haven't completed mine,wait la."Lol, the way he said was like he was the only one left in the library.He is a err..chubby, the way he talk is like how kids talk(u shuld noe wad I mean), he looks innocent and decent.Haha..But I was surprised when I heard him said something to his fren,"chicken s."Hey, don't get me wrong, I merely described him as how he is in school, no other intentions.My fren and I needed help for the powerpoint, we are so stupid, we should just copy and paste, but instead we saved the picture and opened, and we failed.He helped us with some of our problems,my hand was on the mouse when he wanted to help us, then I think he didn't know tt, he just place his hand on the mouse too, of course I moved my hand away.It happened three times today.Then my fren sitting beside me kept on laughing and sometimes teased me.And another coincidence is tt we sit close to each other for some lessons because of our register number, maths class, sit with him, english class, sit with him too except tt I was about 20 to 25 cm away from him?And he is always smiling, like for example, when he received his result for the math class test not long ago, he still smiled, I was really surprised, I scored a few marks higher than him,but, it wasn't a good grade.And I was looking so sad, he was totally opposite of mine, he looked so cheerful.Dunno on which day, he gave me a packet of cheeseballs.Ahaha,I actually joked with him"hey, since you have two packets, may I have one?"Then who knows tt he really gave it to me, he said" if you want, you take lor."I haven't find a chance of how to repay his kindness although the two packets of cheeseballs were given to him by a fren.

Why?
I got scolded by my teacher today, not science teacher.The teacher told us to get into one of the two groups and discuss.Then, Jasmine and I started talking.And,the teacher told us to stop talking and get into discussion.We were about to join in when another of our fren told me to lend her something after recess during the art lesson.And after tt, we were really going to join in the discussion when another of our fren returned me my profile book, Jasmine immediately took it from me, and began reading it.I told her to stop reading but she didn't listen.And the teacher confiscated tt book,sigh.. the teacher said"I told you all to discuss, not chit-chatting, why are you still here?I gave you the time to discuss not chit-chatting."Well, wad could we do?Jasmine could only apologise to me.I didn't blame her.After the English lesson, Jasmine and I took the initiative to apologise to the teacher, I said"erm...we are sorry for the trouble just now, can I.."Then the teacher interrupted.She said"wad is the book about?why are you reading in my class?why did you take it out during my class?"And I explained everything,"I am not reading anything, it's a profile book, I ddin't take it out in the class, it's with me as my fren returned to me just now, and I ddin't give it to her during the lesson time."Then the teacher said"is this right or wrong? you tell me."I didn't answer her question.Then she asked Jasmine and she answered"wrong."So, I thought I need not answer the question anymore, who knows she asked again.Then I replied"it's wrong."She said"since you know tt it's wrong, why did you do all tt in my class?I don't want to see this again!"I was holding back my tears as she returned me my book.And the moment I stepped out of the class, I broke into tears.Then Jasmine said"celeste, why are you crying? don't cry la, don't scare me!I am sorry."Well, then I laughed and cried at the same time.I really ddin't read anything in her class, I didn't take it out in class.It seems tt no one could understand my explanation, wad does she mean by wrong?We are wrong to chat, yeah.We are wrong to not join in the discussion, yeah.But, everything happened together, after one, another came.Then how we join in?It's true, after a warning from the teacher, we decided to join in, then my fren told me to lend her something, then my fren returned me the profile book, then Jasmine began reading it.Then, I got scolded.

How could you?
Today I felt so embarrassed, when I was playing with Jasmine, she suddenly turned to one of our classmates and said"Celeste likes you!"Then I was stunned.I turned to her immediately and shouted at her out of embarrassment"JASMINE,ahhhhhhhhh!"Then I walked away.Haha..Then whenever I saw him for the rest of the day, I would always look at the ground, so embarrassing.Fortunately, I have taught Jasmine a lesson, wahaha, I almost strangled her.. not just one time, but a few times.

Yay! He don't hate me, he is not angry with me! Phew, I thought he was angry with me, so it's my imagination again.Haha..Finally, less worries now.Now, my biggest worry is Science test!Mrs Tan said tt if anyone of us failed the test, we have to stay back from monday to friday and then we would be scolded.Well, sigh.. do you know why my biggest worry is the Science test?It's because I am always daydreaming, no choice.. I can't help it.I am distracted by my mind, I can't concentrate.And I almost dozed off.But, I kept moving myself-my hands, my legs, changing the position of how I sat to keep myself awake.Well, how do I sit for the test?

I know she means well, but sometimes, I am scolded by her for nothing and I was trying to explain when her voice covered mine, actually, I could raise my voice, but what's the point?Inviting more troubles?So, I just kept quiet, stood there like I am really in the wrong.And today, we were doing our journal writings when she started scolding some of my classmates for forgetting to bring their journal books and so on.She said"if those people fail the Science test, I would call their parents!"Actually, the truth is tt I don't think anyone is listening during the Science lessons, one already dozed off, for almost every lesson,but his grades are still good. Some were already almost dozing off.

It's scary..
Sry about tt.I think I really made a mistake, maybe there is really nothing wrong about my fren.I am too sensitive.If tt is the case, I apologise for the posts which are about the fren hating me.

Today, when two of my frens(one girl, one guy) and I were entering the lift.I felt something brushing against my uniform or should I say my waist.Haha..well, the guy was holding a diskette, maybe it was the diskette which brushed against my uniform.But, I felt tt it was his fingers as there was a weird feeling,like a human's warm fingers.And then I walked straight into the lift immediately, quicker than before, when I was doing tt, I said"yuck!"Then the guy said"wad happened?it was the diskette la."And the weird thing was how did he know wad I am referring to?Haha..Even if it's his fingers, I wouldn't blame him as he didn't mean it.Tat time during the art lesson, he accidentally touched my hand..like it was really an accident, and then I used my another hand to kind of brush off the part which he has touched, and then another guy told him"hey, you don't anyhow touch touch touch people la."Then when he spoke to me today, sometimes, he would just hit my hand, like how my close frens do.Lol, quite sensitive, not to the hitting of my hand and the accidentally touching of my hand during the art lesson but the accidentally touching of somewhere near my waist.Because we stayed back today to write and draw something in our English homeroom, we have to sit together in order to work as a group, then I sat somewhere in front of him, at the left side.And he is good in drawing, so, he was drawing and I said tt I wants to draw too, and he passed me the piece of paper, and then we did tt for a few times, and he adjusted himself so tt he would just be sitting at my side so tt we wouldn't be passing the paper.But, when he was like adjusting the chair(just beside my chair) he had to like bend and stand at the same time while he was pulling his chair towards the right position, and his face was so close to mine.So scary.Lol, I ignored it, as tt happens sometimes,when frens are moving their chairs, they would be so close to you.You know? it's such a coincidence tt his name starts with'C' too, his younger brother's name starts with 'S' too, same as my younger brother.His Dad's name is the same as my Dad's name.I could hardly believe it.But, that's the truth.*My hair stands on their ends* May fate not be with him and me.