Really weird..
Chatting with Jasmine now, from the time I started chatting with her till now, it has been one hour twenty-eight minutes. She told me smething that she has been doing, and I find everything weird but funny. Do you know how I have been spending my time? It's either watching television, playing computer games, chatting with friends, or walking around imagining things. I walked from one spot to another repeatedly for one hour or more.

I feel that I am weird, I don't have any idols, I only listen to the songs, whenever my friends talk about the singers, I don't know what to say.I don't have much interest in them, and I don't think I would bother to buy any cds. What a dull girl I am?

Alert
It is indeed a nice feeling to be promoted to secondary two.Like I had just completed a part of the journey, and moving on to a higher difficulty level. I guess I would have to plan my time wisely during the holidays and think about why some subjects are lower than before.

Today, after the dismissal, Jasmine, Xinyi and I went to Bukit Merah Central for early lunch. We were at the hawker centre, waiting for the food to be serve when an uncle sitting at the next table dropped a ten cent coin, it rolled and stopped just beside my shoe. I was going to bend down to pick up the coin, but the uncle had already bent down before I did.So, I felt kind of guilty? And after the lunch, I realised that I forgot to button the second button.I felt really shocked, and at the same time, laughed at my carelessness.I recalled about what the uncle did, and I remembered how much I bent to almost picked up the coin.I thought to myself" no wonder some people were looking at me." It was true, some of them were looking at me as though I did something wrong.But I didn't pay much attention to them as I thought that there was nothing wrong with me.Maybe it was just a coincidence.

I really have no idea how I would be going to spend my holidays, I guess this would be a real bored one.Fortunately, my parents did have some reactions upon hearing my results, otherwise I might be crying tonight. And not really allowed to go out, unless the time allows.Well, I guess it's partially because my parents are pretty worried for my safety, I cross the roads without watching out for cars, I am just not independent enough, sad to say that. I asked my parents for a reward, and my Mum said that I am allowed to buy storybooks, I was like..the heart sank immediately. I don't ask for much actually. You know? If I am really only allowed to buy storybooks, I would buy alot, then it would be too late for them to say anything. I am very upset with my savings, I actually tried all means to save, but it doesn't seem to be enough. But I am lucky enough, everytime I go out with my friends, the money doesn't comes from my savings, it's from my Mum, I would bugged her for a long time. Isn't tt bad of me? I know. How I wish..
Well, I really didn't have a chance to see him, but it's okay right? At least maybe it's better if he leaves, it would be easier for me to forget.

Might be or not be too late
The last day of school will be on this thursday, and the dismissal time will be at ten am. I find this starting of holidays too early and the dismissal time too. I went to the canteen after the excursion back from the discovery centre to school, and find no one except his friends. Anyway, I don't think he came to school today, but I just wanted to try out my luck, I thought maybe he had to come back because of some urgent matters. I was so sad after that, as there is only one last chance of taking a glance of him, which is on Thursday.And I don't think I will be able to. I went silent after walking out from the school to Bukit Merah central with Jasmine, Xinyi and Jacie. I was so silent that they thought that there was something wrong with me.Actually, there is. It was like I was so sad that I went so deep in thought and was distracted, well, I ignored what was happening surrounding me. And because I have not seen him for days, I tried to imagine his looks. If I want him well, I should be happy for him that he is sitting for his o' level? Well, I should. On the other hand, I am really sad and down. Hope that he is not reading this post, otherwise I would not know how to face him. And the timing went wrong that it did not even allowed me to see him for one glance, not even one for days. I guess he must be very happy now, as he is going to complete his secondary education. There are things he left for me which are meaningful, he is not de.. they are the school magazine, his smiles, rumours, the way when he is a pai kia, the way he looked at me..if I am not mistaken. Even if I am, look at the state I am in now. I could easily find his face in the school magazine by flipping the pages to his class photo.I am not a pervert, but this is the only photo I have of him, lol.I must be mad.

Reality
Holidays are coming soon, and that is not what I am hoping for.I am hoping that holidays wouldn't come so soon, as once holiday starts, it's the beginning to forget. It's real sad, actually. No chance to see him again, even if it's possible, there are only slim chances. No matter what, he wouldn't be in the school next year, I guess the best way is to settle everything during the holidays. Put him aside, and begin with a fresh mind. How could he be in secondary 4? Can't he be in secondary 3? It's like a dream.

I dreamt that the teacher gave me my seven marks for my English. I was so happy that I even woke up.That was when I realised that it was just a dream, I slept again.And again, I dreamt about that.

Spare time
Jasmine, I had not the slightest intention of making you feel angry.I couldn't help but to create another post, I am too free, and there is nothing I can do except wasting time.

No school today, and he still need to go to school.Sigh.. I hope tt he would sms me, I know tt I am very thick skinned but no choice, I know nothing about him.

The day before yesterday, my friend asked me if I did fold my skirt, actually I didn't.I really didn't. She said tt my skirt looked as though it has been folded.So, I decided to iron my skirt by myself on tt day.When I went home, I started on ironing.Then my mom told me to turn it to the third one, I was wondering"what is that?hmm..let me try."I turned and turned and turned.I thought tt I did the right thing, then after a while, when I was ironing my skirt, I smelled something burning.but actually it's just the smell.Then, I said"ehhh, what is that smell?Like something is going to burn, did I turn wrongly?"And my mom hurried towards me.She said"WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU DOING?DO YOU WANT IT TO EXPLODE?"I said"you said turn to the third one what, then how come I turned already, still like this?"She said"blame on yourself for not doing these things by yourself in the past, see? you don't even know how to turn!"I find her rather weird.Nevermind, I can learn in future.Why must she kick up such a big fuss?

It's really boring, I hope tt tuesday would arrive soon.Then, I can go to school. Actually, I wanted to achieve at least 5A1s, you all might be shock.Don't worry, that is only what I dream of achieving.Now, after recalling how much time I spent on revising, how I did the papers.I decided that if it is so easy to score, everyone else would have done tt.So, my target is only 2A1s.I don't want to have another great disappointment and in the end, whining all day long, blaming myself.Maybe not having better expectations might be better, lower ones will do.

Continue or not?
The exams were over, finally.. this is the day.The night before the science paper, I was studying like mad, I did last minute work, and I only managed to read the whole textbook.I studied tt for about six hours.But I don't think it was of any use anyway.And had a headache after tt, I slapped myself so tt I would not fall asleep.My biggest worry is Maths, the paper two was tough.If I am lucky enough, I might be able to get at least a pass.I would be happy enough.

Yesterday, after Maths and Science papers.My friends and I had lunch in school.I was talking to my friends while looking somewhere.And I saw him..he saw me too, so I lowered my head and started on my lunch.It was pretty obvious, after the lunch, my friends and I were still chatting.His friends and him talked so loudly like he did tt purposely to let me know tt he was still there, like he wanted my attention.I didn't give him much of it, then he was bold, they came to the table next to us and talked loudly again, I turned to look at them for a few seconds, but they didn't noticed me, I think.And he somehow know tt what he did was useless, so he suddenly jumped to sit on the table, a loud "bang" was heard, it was a little bit exaggerated, but.. hehehe.He finally managed to get my attention, but I carried my bag and walked away slowly.I think this is the first time he is trying so hard to make a person become his friend, it's about four months already.Why didn't he come forward to say hi? It was quite obvious as at tt time, the canteen was almost empty, and he could just go to any table.

Such thought no more?
Today, Jasmine and I were walking down the stairs when we froze. His friends were standing in front at us looking at us. I nearly fell, I thought tt I could still walk with my eyes on them while walking, when I stepped on Jasmine's shoes and shouted "ahhhhhhhh!!" Jasmine shouted too, as we nearly lost our balance. We balanced ourselves and I turned right towards the canteen, laughing in embarrassment.I heard them laughing too.

Jasmine told me something about him. I really feel like kicking him to another country now, and hope tt he never returns. But tt won't affect me, I am going to concentrate on my exams and him? nah..just an infatuation right? yeah, I agree. He is not going to be part of my motivation, that's silly. How could he be when he is such person? I am not going to curse him or whatsoever, I just want him to do well and that's it. Luckily, I managed to breathe this time, I guess my mind is okay now, free of him, at least better now. Just want to wish all of you good luck for your exams, sincerely.

Really could not..
The Graduation ceremony of secondary four and five students was held in the school hall on Monday.I was so sad.When I saw him getting on stage, receiving the certificate.Like a sudden sadness.

Today, I saw him with a girl looking at the notice board, seems very close to each other.Might be his gf or a friend. I felt so angry, probably jealous? You know? I felt like punching him and kick him to another place, scolding him and slapping him. I hope tt he would turn better, enter a good school and have a good life and never ever try to flirt. Although I am angry with him, but I still hope tt he would do well.I can't be so selfish and cling onto somebody whom I don't know.Talking about sadness, there is too much to say.Sadness everywhere, deep in my heart.Yesterday, I listened to a song 'Desperado' by Eagles.It seems to be able to bring out my emotions.And I heard it for over fifty plus times yesterday. Maybe it's really time to forget, but I just could not. He is not a good guy, why am I still thinking about him?

Friendship problem is back. Zilin gave me a letter.Talking about her feelings, she hope tt we would be like before. Jasmine thinks tt she cried because she wants people to pity her, and to make us look like people who abandoned her and made her cry. Zilin made up stories which made the friendships among our classmates and us to be fragile.Jasmine thinks tt way as evidences are against her. I think tt Zilin might have misunderstood what others told her and told us and created these misunderstandings.And Jasmine thought tt I was mad, she meant tt I shouldn't be deceiving myself.

Can really be..
Few days ago, Jasmine sent me messages to comfort me, like"we are best friends." I felt really happy.And at the same time, I appreciate what she did.I really feel tt she can become my best friend, even one of them for forever. Hope tt we can be in the same classes for every year. You know? Like never separated.

Zilin told me a few times tt M once told her tt she dislikes me. I felt kind of sad, and wondered why. Then one day, M cried.And Zilin said tt I rather trust another person than trusting her.I was shocked.When did I do tt? Jasmine can be the witness. Then, after weeks, I told M tt Zilin told me tt she dislikes me, and she said tt she didn't say tt. Instead, she told me tt Zilin told her tt she dislikes me as I snatched her friend, Jasmine, when I was supposed to be with Jacie. You know? M might be saying the truth. Maybe Zilin really hate me, but I don't think tt I had ever snatched Jasmine. And the interesting part was tt Zilin told me a few times tt she dislikes Jasmine, she even said tt without her, life is better. Maybe she had changed her mind, now, her target of dislike is me. Fancy creating stories behind my back? sigh.. wth is tt? But I am the least angry with her, I don't know why. M told me tt Zilin is a nice girl, I agree.And she said tt she changed after she quarrelled with me.If that is the case, should I apologise for the hatred and hurt she is trying to overcome?Or maybe should I say the hatred and hurt she is trying to use the same medicine on us? That is the worst thing, revenging on us.She gave me poems on friendship.The contents are about the hurt she possess, and something like she told me to hold her hand as a friend, even if the distance between her and me are drifting apart, I should remember her and not forget her. And I could feel the hatred she has stored for me.But she appeared so friendly to me.