7/30/2006

May I know why?

I want to know why.Tell me please.He became my fren in a game, GBWC as the name which he has for the game is slightly similar to mine.I really trust him.If some kind of untrue stories caused some misunderstandings, then I can just tell him"please trust me!"I won't force him to trust me, if he choose to trust my fren, then it's up to him, but I just know tt I really don't know anything, I want to know why, I will reflect on myself.He really ignored me!Wad can I do?If my fren really made up stories, how could he trust her?!Okay, nvm.Maybe he really hates me now, I think he must be hoping tt I would vanish from his buddy list soon.If my fren really did tt, how could she still pretend to be friendly to me?!I hate tt! How could she take revenge on me behind my back?! How could she take my fren away! How could she lie to me?! I still don't have evidence to prove anything.Help, help, help!Is she really tt evil and cunning?I can't believe anything.If she really did tt, I would choose not to know anything, tt would save me from feeling sad.This can't be true.I must be thinking too much.She is not behind anything.Right?Wad did I do?Tell me.I wouldn't want to lose a fren just like this.I would advise my fren to stop making up stories before I find out anything if she has been doing tt.

~ { 7/30/2006 10:55:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/29/2006

Wad really happened?

He just don't want to reply me.I don't know why.Wad exactly happened?I said hi to him, he didn't reply.So, I tried again next time and it's still the same.I even left a message for him when he was offline as I thought tt he might be busy when I said hi to him.Well, he didn't reply too.Okay..If I am in the wrong, just tell me as I can't stand it when people ignore me,my curiosity gets in the way.I didn't know what really happened and I want to know why so tt I know wad mistakes I made.Yeah, maybe I am too sensitive.He is just my fren, he don't have to reply me everytime.First possible reason, I might have irritated him.Second reason, he might be busy.Third reason,I have done something wrong.Fourth reason,he was too lazy to reply me.Fifth reason, my fren might have made up stories and told him all tt, misunderstanding.Wad did I do?I am not desperate to speak to him, I just want to know what is wrong.If I have irritated him, I apologise.If he was busy, it's okay.If I have done something wrong,I apologise and I want to know wad I did wrong.If he was too lazy to reply me, it's okay.If my fren is the one behind all these, should I bang my head against the wall?This is possible, she might have done these when I offended her.Nah, it's impossible, how possibly would my fren be so cruel and heartless to do tt to me?I trusted her and gave her my fren's email address.But now, everything had changed.Now, I am unfriendly to her.Well, if she really did tt, I think I..I still won't hate her.No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.

Well, I chatted with my fren for about half an hour today, haha, it's fun chatting with her.I guess this is the first time I chatted with her for so long.We talked about lots of things.And then I sighed, and she laughed!How cruel?!jk.She said the way I sighed was weird and funny, she said tt if she can see my face while I sighed, it would be funnier.Well, that's true.Sometimes, my facial expressions are weird.Hers too.Known her for seven months, at first, she didn't really give me a good impression.After sometime of chit-chatting and playing, joking,she changed my view.I guess she is simple,friendly,playful,joker,and doesn't have evil thoughts.I guess this is why we have became best frens.We can get along well.You won't believe me!We would challenge each other even when we are walking down the stairs, when we are walking, when we are queueing up, when we are running and when we are climbing the stairs.Whenever she can't beat me, she would either hold on tightly to my uniform or pull my bag.And I would end up running in a slow motion.These are childish, but, we have had lots of fun together doing all these.Well, everyone I meet will leave me with a deep impression, most likely, a good one as I trust people too easily,and I believe tt they are simple.I need time to see everything.
Celeste(my name) could be pronounce as ser-les-tea.

~ { 7/29/2006 11:29:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/27/2006

Enough!

Another day passed..Like yesterday, we ran away, leaving her behind.Okay, cruel? heartless?I am left with no choice!I followed my heart.But, my instincts told me tt wad I did was unacceptable.We ate our nuggets really fast and then we carried our bags and off we went.Firstly, I didn't have the mood to speak to her, I am not sure why.When she spoke to me, I hardly have any reactions.I don't know why!I tried having some reactions, but to no avail.Secondly, she should be feeling kind of sad now?Thirdly, help me!Sorry to say this, whenever I see her, I will either feel like turning to one corner and cover myself with a blanket or just stand down there like a statue or talk to my frens.Actions were enough to tell her everything, but it seems tt she doesn't understand everything.Words, I tried telling her indirectly and she sounded so sad tt I decided to save my breath, not wanting to hurt her.Since February till now, it's still like this.No matter wad, the problem still stays on.She can really look for other frens, I am not the one to be her best fren, but I can be her fren.

There will be Geography test tomorrow.Have faith in myself?Okay..Anyway, it depends on me myself.

Stop dreaming! Why can't I forget?Hopeless, Hopeless,Hopeless.

~ { 7/27/2006 10:56:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/26/2006

should things really turn out this way?

Sigh.My fren always get scolded by the teacher, even if he did nothing wrong.Most of the time, he is in the wrong.But, today, I don't see the reason why he should be scolded.He is just a classmate of mine, my fren.He merely went to people to borrow something, then the teacher started scolding him.He was told to get back to his seat.After being scolded for a few times, he was frustrated and angry, it's a bad timing tt my another classmate came to talk and disturb him, the fren of mine who was scolded was holding my scissors and he pressed it onto the classmate's hand, threatening to cut him.Fortunately, the teacher didn't saw anything.

I stayed back for my cca, Yec.Theteachertold us to forget everything tt we have learnt for the past years, and tt our minds are blank.We were told to use plasticines to make out the products which we want.I tried this, tried tt, and finally, made into an unknown object.After tt, my hands were dirty, my frens and I went to wash our hands, no detergent.And I realised tt the plasticine can't be removed.So, we went to the canteen, I scrubed and scrubed and scrubed.Lol, then I said"finally, clean again." And I asked my fren"did you realise tt after scrubing, my hands are cleaner than before, before our cca starts?"

We arrived earlier at the Yec room, my fren and I walked out of the room, and she followed us.Then, I said"she is coming, she is coming!"Then my fren, ran to one side of the corridor and hid, well, me too.Then, she went for another direction, maybe she thought tt we were going tt way.Actually, we didn't mean to do tt, but somehow, there is this some kind of fear which is found within us, it's undescribable, but it's obvious enough to tell us tt tt fear exists.We actually decided to tell her everything.So tt, she understands us.But, we hesitated, not sure of how she will feel.

Sigh, really hope tt she is not those kind of person who takes revenge on others.I do hope tt she didn't make up her own stories to tell my fren.If she really did tt, she is really wrong.But it's not too nice to accuse her without evidence.If she really hates me, she can just tell me, I will try to change.It's pointless for her to do all tt as tt will make me feel even more scared.

~ { 7/26/2006 10:28:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/25/2006

Well?

I received my Math test result, I scored only 61, haha?I expected this but still felt disappointed.Lots of people scored higher than me, of course I don't mean tt they can't score higher than me, wad I mean is tt since they can score, why can't I?My Math teacher said tt she was disappointed with some people.I know tt one of them is me as while she was going through the answers, she looked at me, but, I pretended to look at somewhere else.Well, congratulations to the people who have improved or who have scored well, I mean it, all of you are my frens, I don't see the reason why I have to feel jealous, I just feel sad and disappointed.You see, I still won't give up, although I feel tt way, maybe this is to wake me up.

Some of my friends and I went to the Singapore Polytechnic for the Convention on Entrepreneurship yesterday, well, it was not bad.Learnt how people should present their products and ideas in front of lots of people, the judges, etc.I could feel the fear tt they were having when they spoke, but, it was well done.

Everything wasn't smooth, well, err.. sry to say this but I forgot wad happened today.Let me recall,I was with Jasmine almost the whole day, laughing most of the time,I guess this will cause some unhappiness among some.My friend said"you looked so sad."I said"no la, I am like this because there is nothing for me to smile about."When I am not smiling, people will thought tt I am feeling sad or I am a pai kia.How do I smile?Maybe smiling will bring me more frens.But how to smile?Who don't like smiling?I like it! But, I can't just possibly smile without a reason right?Yeah, for the sake of everyone and myself, I will try smile.Smiling brightens the day, I guess.

~ { 7/25/2006 09:43:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/23/2006

This is wad I mean by crazy imaginations

Just here to say something.Actually, after yesterday, I started to feel tt my another fren is a les, her name is not jasmine.Well, I was just having some crazy imaginations and.. you know? I am always like tt.Too sensitive.Well, sry if wad I said hurt tt person.I noe tt this is untrue, but, I considered all the possible reasons why I feel tt way.And, eek..it is scary.I was too scared after wad my fren did to me,she is glued to me to wherever I go.Maybe this is how she express herself to me tt she wants to be my friend.But,I think I have to think of something to let her know tt I am not a les for in case..you know?Now tt I feel this way, my reactions to her for certain things might be weird.But, I think she is not one.

I WANT to be with my two close friends in my class.PLEASE,PLEASE!I am going mad at this rate.I realised tt I need to laugh in school no matter wad, and I can't just keep on sigh or just force a smile in school.I want, I want, this is wad I really want to do.And how can I ever tell her this?This will really hurt her.This is one of the ways in which I can tell her how I feel, and maybe she will be reading my posts soon.The happiness which I enjoy with my close friends are undescribable.I am not a les but I want to do wad I want.But, how?Unless I will be ruthless and..well, just cast her to one side.NONO,I can't do tt.It's too cruel.Then how?Maybe I shouldn't care for her feelings and just do it?!But it's like I am inhuman.Can you imagine?If I am in her shoes, I would cry and cry and cry like mad, non-stop.And, I will feel really hurt.Maybe I should talk to her and tell her everything?What if later I said something wrong or what if she shoots me with questions which I always hate?But, I thought everything which I did,example,running away with my friends, are obvious enough to tell her everything?WHAT should I do?No happiness in school, lol, though sometimes there is.I tried almost everything including telling her tt she can join other frens, but can she understand me?Maybe she understands me, but pretended not to, as you know, sometimes, it's better to feign ignorance.

~ { 7/23/2006 10:01:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/22/2006

Thanks for saying tt..

Well, my fren, Jasmine called me today, and I told her how I felt all along, and I asked her if she thought of pushing me to one side and ignore me.She said"no la, I won't do tt,I am not angry with you, why should I do tt?"phew, finally felt so relieved.She read my posts and she realised tt I actually felt sad all this while, she apologised, but I am not angry with her at all as this is not her fault, and I know why all these happened.Everyone knows why these happened.It could be or could not be prevented.And I understand tt I am not the only one who is having all sorts of feelings, she herself too.And I know tt this is tiring.Thanks for not giving up on me..I really appreciate tt.We have been through alot since January till now, and I don't think we should let anything to affect our friendship.May we be best friends forever! It's okay if she hurt me sometimes, maybe I offend her too unknowingly, for tt I apologise to her too, and hope tt she can be forgiving.Having known her for at least seven months, she possess most of the qualities which I have always wanted to find in a friend, I am serious in this friendship and definitely not joking with anything.Hope tt my friends will stay by my side, trusting me, giving me support no matter what.And if tt really comes true, I want to thank you people and I will also be your true friend always with my most sincere and willing attitude.

~ { 7/22/2006 09:58:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/21/2006

What should I do?

I admit tt I was unfriendly to her today, I would really like to spend more time with my two close friends in my class.But, it was almost impossible.I was standing behind with her and my two close friends were happily chatting away.I felt sad not jealous.I asked myself questions"why am I not with them?"What should I do?"I lost my temper a few times today with her, the reason is because I am not patient enough, it's not her fault.I was frustrated and I didn't know what to do and plus she didn't understand what I said.I walked to the right, she too walked to the right, I walked to the left, she too walked to the left.So, I might as well stand somewhere like a statue.I need my own space and I would like to do what I really want to do.I lost my temper, I ran away with my two close friends leaving her behind during recess, but I just don't understand why she never scold me, why she never lose her tenper?why?!Of course I am not hoping tt she would lose her temper, I just want her to know tt there are actually other better friends whom she can confide in, whom she can trust in, who will treat her better, at least better than I do.I just don't understand.She could just shouted at me.Actually, I think I was doing the right thing when I lose my temper and ran away with my two close friends during recess.But, after recess, when we were outside the math homeroom, she said"I've uploaded the photos into my computer, so, when you are free, you can call me and I will login to MSN and send you the photos tt we took together." And I was like wondering"aren't you angry?""why didn't you scold me?"My heart suddenly..like became so heavy and I felt really guilty and bad for doing tt to her.I thought I was doing the right thing at first but I realised tt I was being selfish when I tried all means to join my close friends.But, I really want my own space.I don't mean tt she stopped me from going anywhere.I started questioning myself"am I doing the right thing?""is she feeling sad and hurt?"Am i being cruel?""why is she still so patient?"I wondered.

I am worried tt my two close friends will eventually get tired and tell me tt they don't want to be my friends anymore.This is childish.But, who knows what will happen?Maybe they will really say tt one day,and I will break into tears.I am not optimistic, always like tt.And if that happens someday, wad should I do?Of course it's not the end of the world.Lol, you won't believe it.Just now I thought about it, and I almost cried, I swallowed down my fears though.And I watched a show which was very pitiful, and my tears rolled down my cheeks.Friends turned into cruel people before you even realise tt, they can just sacriface you, just for the sake of feeling happier.They could do anything for tt.One of my two close friends said"don't pity her, and I won't suffer with you."That shows wad she is thinking of.And I know exactly wad she meant.She won't want to suffer with me, she would rather be happier and she can even leave me alone if that is one of the choices.

~ { 7/21/2006 09:38:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/20/2006

Scolded for nothing

Yesterday, I was like kind of scolded by my teacher for nothing.She asked the students who did hours of CIP to speak to her and I was one of them,Then, when I was at the front, one of my frens said"ehh, why are you here? she asked for the students who did the class CIP not YEC."Then, I said"I know I know."Then the teacher stared at me,"I SAID PEOPLE WHO DID THE CLASS CIP COME AND SPEAK TO ME, NOT CCA."she also said some more.And I was like.."what did I do?"Scolded for nothing..

Tomorrow, my partner and I are going to set up an experiment by ourselves, in fact the whole class using the separating techniques such as evaporation, distillation,crystallisation and filtration.We have to separate a mixture which is stated on the worksheet.I am not sure of what my way of separating the mixture would turn out to be.Will it be successful? lol..unlikely.The teacher said"tomorrow you all try by yourselves,I want you to try doing it by yourself."Today, my partner and I compared the different methods we have, then she picked mine, but I don't think mine would work, anyway, it's worth a try.

~ { 7/20/2006 09:08:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/18/2006

Let me have a peaceful mind..

Yesterday, as soon as I arrived at the sch hall, my fren started telling me about her new phone.It's black in colour, its cool..She told me tt it's black, its cool, it has MP3, it has a better camera, it's nice, she is happy..Frankly speaking, I am happy for her too, not jealous, just angry.She has to only tell me once as I am only beside her, but instead she told me again and again..At first, I am feeling very normal, then after tt I realised tt she is going further and further, again and again, and I was like..I didn't know wad to tell her as I don't want to spoil her mood and day.It's bad to spoil her mood when she has got a new phone.She didn't brought her phone to sch, she just described it, and I could imagine, it would be really cool! yeah..erm..she needn't repeat to me about its features and so on as I have been listening to her while she was talking and I could understand.These came from my heart.. I am happy for her, her phone is cool and nice, but she need not repeat as the more times she repeated it, the more I think tt she is being boastful.Of course I hope and believe tt she is not a boastful person, maybe she was just excited over her phone and forgot about my feelings.Seriously, I am happy for her and do hope tt she won't repeat again.Sorry if wad I said hurt tt person or make anyone else feel unhappy about it, but these are the truth on how I felt.

Not much time spent with two of my best frens in my class today.Yeah..not use to it, used to it.. both.I spent my time with another fren.Actually, she is not a bad fren, maybe she just offends me unknowingly. She asked me"can I join the three of you for recess?"I said"actually, you can join other frens too, you don't really have to join us if you want to join others."Okay, frankly speaking, basically, I spoke without sparing a thought for her feelings.After I finished saying tt, I then realised wad I said might have made her feel sad.Then she asked me"why I cannot join the three of you?can i join?"Then I said"I mean you can join us if you want to, but you can also join others."Maybe I've hurt her with my first sentence?I felt bad about it, her expression told me tt she felt disappointed and sad after hearing wad I said.But I didn't mean it.Trust me!

I have a feeling tt someone hates me, any reason.I can accept and change as much as I can.I have a clear conscience, maybe I am just too sensitive, but I just want to know on wad I can improve in so as to be a better fren.If someone really hates me, then.. if you don't tell me, how do I know and how can I change?Seriously, hope to be a better fren..

~ { 7/18/2006 09:51:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/16/2006

Pass?

Tomorrow, I will have a Maths test which is on Percentage, I know tt Percentage is an easy topic.However, now tt I don't even have self-confidence, I don't even believe in myself, how can I ever score.Since that time when I failed, I started losing more confidence in myself.I told myself tt "I will have to try again and again, no point not believing in myself and starts to question myself about passing or not."I asked my mom"do you think I can pass the maths test?" even when I have not sat for the test.However, I still tell myself tt I will just try my best tomorrow and whether I pass or not, I will accept it.I don't want my math teacher to be disappointed again and I don't want to disappoint myself too.I was so worried about the test and I comforted myself again and again.Okay..I will just try and score as much as I can and see how it goes.Not willing to disappoint anyone.

~ { 7/16/2006 10:10:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/15/2006

Cheer up..

To my fren who encounters frenship's problems this year..

I just want to tell her tt I can really understand how she feels and she needn't feel sad, feeling tt there is no one else who cares for her as I had always regard her as my best fren even if her character is different, I believe tt her heart is still the same, its just tt her appearance is different..I will be one of the people who will care for her.Having known her for the third year this year, she is one of those whose facial expressions don't really reveal much of her feelings.However, put yourself in her shoes and you can understand everything.She said school sucks and all those frenship's problems,however, I just want to let her know tt dying is not the way out, tt only cause frens and family and ppl who care for her to be sad as we all care for her and I think the most appropriate way is to solve everything with us.I know it is not easy to do this, but I still hope tt she will be strong and firm and prove to the people who hurt her tt nothing can hurt her.I understand the "pain" and "worries" and all sorts of emotions having been through this,feeling tired of everything, you want to tell the people who hurt you to stop doing tt as they don't even realise tt, but, you don't know how to put it in a way which will not hurt them, and as a result, you are the one who lose out. Stay happy as we, frens will be by ur side no matter wad happens.

~ { 7/15/2006 10:04:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/14/2006

Smile?

On tuesday, 11 July, I was feeling down..my fren talked to me, he didn't know tt I was feeling sad..He told me to smile more in school,then I told him"there is nothing for me to smile about, why should I smile, if I smile for nothing, people will think tt I'm mad."Then he said"I do tt too but no one said tt I am mad."Then we carried on talking..and I started laughing.At last, he knew tt I was actually feeling sad.Thanks to him.

Today, I had an experience.. haha.. do you know something? I told my fren to accompany me home, she agreed.We took MRT,to me, it's confusing, to her, its easy.This is the first time I am going home myself, embarrassing.. We took a long time.I don't know why but I just know tt I am so stupid, once, we ended up at ang mo kio mrt station, but there was no one which we could asked for the bus which I should board.Then I should have hired a cab, but instead..I followed her to Jurong interchange.. haha, stupid?Ang Mo Kio MRT station is the place which I want to go to, then from there, board a bus and go home.When we arrived at the Jurong Interchange, I then realised tt I am stupid.Actually, she agreed to accompany me home, however, when we arrived at the Jurong Interchange, her ez-link card was only left with 80 cents, if she accompany me home, then she can't go home. So, she told me to board bus 52, well, it went one big round, it went back to common wealth, clementi, etc..and then to somewhere near my destination. We had no idea tt it will go tt way, then I just sat quietly in the bus, waiting and waiting.Finally, it had travelled to upper thomson road, but I am not sure of which bus-stop to alight at, there is one bus-stop which I find it familiar, but I know tt it is quite a distance away from my house, so, I decided to wait for the next stop..I ended up at Sin Ming avenue? somewhere there, as I don't know where the bus will turn to after the stop, I alighted at tt bus-stop.I saw a girl in uniform, I asked her for the directions which I should head to.Then she told me to board 855 to teachers' estate as i told her tt I live near teachers' estate,I thought its very near.. as everyday, my dad drives me home.Then I walked and walked and walked, it's endless..I walked for 34 minutes before I reached home.It's close to 7pm.It was scary and bored, firstly, this is the first time I am trying out by myself, secondly, I hate crossing roads and I don't usually watch out for cars as I am so used to holding onto my dad's clothing when he crossed the road, but this time, I really watched out for cars.Thirdly, I seldom walk by myself.I merely tried my luck, I looked out for prominent objects..hopefully, I can reached home. I comforted myself"don't worry, you will get home, you will have to try out by yourself sooner or later, don't worry, even if you are lost, you will be found, or you can take a taxi home."It was not a bad thing to walk for about half an hour.When I was with her, I said"sorry to take up your time, you should be at home now, I should not have asked you to accompany me home." She said"its okay, don't say tt, I agreed tt I will teach you."You should be relieved tt you are able to read this post as this tells you tt I am okay..haha.

~ { 7/14/2006 10:19:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/11/2006

Wad can I say?

Not bad, I got scolded by my chinese teacher yesterday.I forgot to bring the worksheet back home on Friday.And Monday,my fren and I called her in the morning.She said tt she will give us the worksheets during mother tongue lesson.After the mother tongue lesson, my fren and I asked her again, then my fren got back her paper, and mine?the teacher said tt the paper is not with her.Well? wad can I say?I told her again and again tt I didn't bring home the paper.Then she didn't get wad I mean and she said"you lost the paper?""you left it under the table?"I told her again and again but she just don't get wad I mean.And she started scolding me.Maybe she was not scolding me..And she said"looks like you are not good at expressing yourself,I guess your chinese is still not good."Then I was like..I nodded my head.Then after tt, she told me to photocopy the piece of paper, and she continued saying something, I didn't get wad she mean, but I think its not something very nice..Well, at least I know tt she still cares for me..Thats the only way to comfort myself anyway.

My mom just love picking on me..when I am using the computer, she will say"I said all of you can only use the computer during the weekends, why are you using today?"Then when my younger brother used the computer, she didn't say anything..Wad can I say?Besides having all those feelings..

Finally, I realised a really big mistake which I have made! A really big one..Firstly, thanks for letting me realise the mistake.Secondly,I have wasted my time before realising my mistake.Thirdly,You are OUT!I guess..Now,recalling wad my fren said to me in the past,I feel tt I am really a big fool.Forget it..

Disappointed with some ppl,sometimes, my mom, my frens, anyone..they just make me feel tt its tiring..and they hurt me with their words..everytime its like this..I just can't find peace.Hurting me with your words, yeah, really hurts, so wad? that is me, not you..even if I cried to sleep, so be it..But spare a thought for my feelings..you ppl just don't even understand a bit of me and its useless..really.

Mass Jog-Two of my close frens said"please don't come too close to us."Then I showed some kind of expression, which was sad, hurt,and angry.I said"okay then."Then I moved behind.The reason tt they said tt to me was because another fren was with me and they don't really like others to invade their privacy so they made a sacriface which was me..telling me all those rubbish when they like.I was really angry with them.They sacrifaced me and told me not to be angry.They can't even spare a thought for my feelings.how sad was tt?Firstly, one of my close frens said"please don't come too close to us."another one said"ya lor."Wad they meant was tt I should not jogged with them, I should not join them during the jog..The fren who was with me asked me "why?" I can't just tell her"they want you to move away."I have never thought of casting her to one side or telling her to move away, stay away from me.I just told her"they are like this, its okay, we will jog on our own."Actually, inside was feeling very terrible..I guessed she knows how I felt too.Its quite obvious even though I forced a smile.

~ { 7/11/2006 10:06:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/09/2006

Sigh..

Yesterday, I was told to sweep the floor outside, I was reluctant, but was forced to do so.I swept,swept and swept.Then, my mom shouted at me"YOU CALL TT SWEEPING?YOU USED TOO LITTLE STRENGTH!YOU NEVER EAT ANYTHING IN THE MORNING IS IT?!"Well, I cried yesterday.My mom hit my head! She wants me to eat two capsules of cod liver oil everyday.I ate two in the morning, she woke up in the afternoon, so she don't know tt.Then, after sometime when she woke up, she told me to eat two, I told her tt I've already eaten,she don't believe me, so I took out another two, swallowed one, and just as I was about to swallow another one, she hit my head,she said"since you have already swallowed two, why must you still eat another two?"Then I cried! haha..Then she shouted at me"YOU DON'T HAVE TO CRY!SO BIG ALREADY STILL CRY,DON'T LET PPL LAUGH AT YOU!WHO ASKED YOU TO BE SO HOT-TEMPERED?WHO ASKED YOU TO MAKE ME ANGRY?THE MORE HOT-TEMPERED YOU ARE, THE MORE I'M GOING TO SCOLD YOU!"I was so sad..when she told me to sweep the floor, I was angry and sad, but I told myself tt sweeping is nothing, its a form of exercise.Finally, cried this week! yay!Now, I know the reason why I feel happier with my frens.I was told to sweep, my younger brother was told to water the plants, my elder brother was told to wash the basin.Mine was the best!

Today,felt sad again, not because I was scolded by my mom.It is because of something..which is stupid.I told myself tt I've given up on him.But, I still can't.It's time I really give up!I don't hate him, I'm just a little bit angry.haha..well,stupid! Anyway, he don't know anything.It has been such a long time, for I think months or even a year.. haha.I thought tt would end someday.It did not! It's sad but..stupid, stupid and stupid.I am sure this would end..The "him" will be out of my mind.

Finally, I have bought another two books!I've waited for at least one month.I pleaded with my mom.Haha.She said"next time buy la."Then I said "today!you told us to read more books, when I want to read more books, you told me to read them next time, when I don't want to read, you will be there scolding again."She has got no choice.haha.

My mom asked my elder brother a question, my brother don't understand her.Then my mom said"I wonder why all of you have slow reactions?"Then I spoke"maybe we inherited tt from Dad and you,well, no wonder, we have slow reactions.So, thats how we got tt."Then my mom was so angry, she said"I'm not asking you a question, you better shut up!"Then I said"children inherited characteristics from their parents, thats a fact!"My mom stared at me.

Sigh, at home, most of the time, I really feel very sad, I can't even find a corner in the house which is quiet.And my younger brother just love irritating me, causing me to lose concentration.Sometimes, I am really angry with him, he can just leave his bowl on the table after dinner and in the end, my Dad will be the one clearing up for him.Once, he said"You are not my sister, you are from a garbage, I don't know you!"Cool, nice sentence, till now, it's still echoing in my mind, it has been a long time.He can't understand me.Forget it! even my parents didn't comment on anything when he said tt to me.So, why should I try telling them everything?

~ { 7/09/2006 09:55:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/06/2006

feeling tt..

Since the SA1 Maths result which I scored,I realised tt my maths turned from bad to worse..and I couldn't stand it! However,I will not give up as I believe tt my maths teacher still believes in me.Another disappointment will be too much, I hate it.The feeling isn't nice, another chance for me to prove myself tt I am still able to score will be this year's end of year examination.Well, it depends on myself.The fear is tt if I am still not able to score.No confidence at all..as I am worried tt if I believe in myself and in the end, I failed to achieve my goal, I will really feel very disappointed..Thats why,when I am given tasks by teachers, I will worry about this and tt.

The swimming lesson was enjoyable,however,I am losing patience.People swimming so fast, yet I am still there..ahem,well,struggling to swim faster..so stupid.Its either sink or whatever and I will have to get up and carry on again.Well, actually, tt should be the right beginning.

It was fun irritating my fren, haha, i just placed my hand on her neck and thats it, she will begin to laugh or push my hand away..But, she also did tt to me, thats why i can do tt to her too.The important thing is tt she knows when to stop, when I asked her to stop, she will stop.She has this habit of hitting me when I said something wrong or when she wants to tell me something.Today, I told her tt a particular show was romantic, then she hit me! She said "what romantic?Its pitiful!" Then one part of my arm became a little bit red in colour, lol. Actually, when I want to tell my frens something,I have the habit of either shaking them or hitting them, not very hard..Well, hope tt my frens don't mind.. haha.

~ { 7/06/2006 09:02:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/03/2006

Understand

I think parents should be patient with us, they should like..actually, I think tt they should make us understand tt they really love us.We, actually know tt they love us, however, there is a "wall" making us difficult to feel anything, we can only feel a lil bit of it but not all.After returning home from school, its already tiring, however, when you arrived at home, you still face scoldings..and alot of you out there know tt your parents love you, but, you couldn't understand why they just love scolding you.Sometimes, you will either ignore or argue with them.And you will search for a corner in your house which is quiet to do your homework.However, your younger sibling or siblings just can't understand your feelings.They just kept on irritating you causing you to use words which you shouldn't use on them.And then your parents heard you, and they will start to scold you"YOU ARE A GIRL, HOW CAN YOU USE THOSE WORDS?"And you just feel tt its meaningless to tell them anything.Because of this, alot of us will treat our frends as though they are like"your life."And turn to them whenever you face problems, thus causing your parents to know nothing.And act as though nothing had happened.Most of us want to tell them what kind of problems we faced, however, we don't know how they will react,and what they will say.In the end, you told your friends everything but not your family.Communication is really important.

~ { 7/03/2006 03:44:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

7/01/2006

A day which is unforgettable..

The secondary one pupils from my school are invited to attend the national parade or SYF or whatever at the national stadium.The weather was very warm,after alighting from the bus which drove us to the national stadium, we took a long time to walk to the outdoor stadium as there are other schools which attended the event too.The whole event was very interesting although its hot.After the event, we were dismissed from the stadium, some of my schoolmates,classmates and I wanted to go to Kallang Mrt,fortunately, a kind teacher from my school lead us there, although he does not really know the way, however, he still asked around for the way.One of my classmates who sometimes talk in a funny way,told us tt we will become "Ji" when she read the signboard showing 'Geylang', I laughed till mad. Before reaching the mrt station, she spoke to one of her family members,"the teacher leading us, I also don't know where I am, I don't know where I am going."The teacher overheard her, and then the teacher smiled at us. I had a great time being with my friends and schoolmates.

~ { 7/01/2006 10:34:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

Happy moments..

Today, I met up with some of my best frens, Siew Miang,Jillian,Winnie and wanling(not in order).We went back to our primary school as P1 open House and Young entrepreneurship were held today.After tt, we went to the library to eat, then we went to the nearby playground.They wanted to play there, I refused to play, I spoilt the mood of everyone.Today, I realised some changes in them, well, I can't expect them to be the same..as long as their characters are still the same, I don't mind..I laughed alot when I was with them.

~ { 7/01/2006 10:24:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;

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