Smiling times
Didn't post for the past few days because of my computer's problem.

On 28 December, I chatted with Jasmine on the phone when Jacie called on my handphone. I was kinda surprised, but happy. She thanked me for sending her a christmas card, well I'll assume that it's a card although it looks more like a letter. We talked about this and that, she told me that it has been a long time since any of her friends had sent her a card as they are lazy. I asked her if she is happy to receive one from me. She said" YES!Very happy!" I felt so relieved after hearing that. She also told me that it isn't necessary to buy her a present since her birthday was already over. I just feel that one should forget about the unhappiness, put them behind and start all over again. Just like now, going on 2007. It would be good for everyone.

I won't be able to watch deathnote2 with Jasmine, such a pity! I might not even watch it.

Getting really nervous about going back to school, I just hope that I can be laughing everyday. And the mass jog will be a bored one, I guess. Everything will be different, without some people around. I'm starting to question myself on why I still hold on to those times, those memories, those daring acts. The thing is" I can't move on without them." So, I'll bring them into 2007 with me, with them accompanying me throughout the year, they will make me smile to myself at times. I don't care even if people look at me with puzzled looks wondering why I am smiling to myself. I want to treasure those memories, and the smile. I want another smile.

Was it a lie?
Well, I found out one thing today. I don't know if it's a misunderstanding or a lie? I won't say what it's about. I think one of them lied to me. She told me that.. but it turned out to be two only. Perhaps it's a white lie, it might be better without a useless person tagging along who makes all lose freedom and lessen the number of choices available. Forget it.

I waited so long for her christmas card, but nothing was received. I just wonder why, I thought that I would be able to receive her card, but the unexpected actually happened. Do you know what I did? I checked my letterbox almost everyday, but was utterly disappointed everytime, kinda dragged my footsteps and mind was whirling with confuse. However, Jasmine was right, "is it worth thinking over this?"

And regretted for saying"best friends forever, together forever" to 'Z'. That now is a promise broken, I shouldn't have said that to her. I bet she still remembers the five words, especially when I stopped being her best friend. You can't say that she doesn't hate or dislike me now, who knows? But it's pretty lame to use the word 'hate' or 'dislike' right? That I don't understand, why it's so difficult to not think about the two words or to use the two words on someone.

Forget it.

Beyond words
I didn't do much this few days. Yesterday was Jacie's birthday, I sms her. But I don't know if she received it.I forgot what happened..

Holidays will soon be over, I didn't study much, well? You guys will say"holidays, study for what?are you mad?" I just feel that if I do something during the holidays, I might be able to adjust to the "study" environment more quickly, and catch up with all the things which will be taught in school faster.

I can't figure out a way to beat my didi when bickering with him.He is way too good at it.

I won't be celebrating my christmas with my friends=( That's sad, but.. forget it.

Next year will be so less interesting than this year. Lesser familiar faces, well.. just sad.
And everything starts from zero, as in understanding the topics, studying. All begins from the start, like a blank piece of paper at first, then filled up with lots of things, just like human minds.

The other day, my mom asked me to unlock the back gate.I just took the key and then head towards it. She said" I think I will be striking lottery soon." I thought she had a dream on numbers. Guess what she said? She said" this is the first time, I asked you to do something, and you didn't even utter a word or give me one of your looks." Actually, I was thinking about something.

Time solves it
I quarrelled with my younger brother today, I used the computer at around 11.56 to 12.57pm. When I started using the computer, I told him"I will use it for a while." When I stopped, I told him that I had used it for one hour and one minute. He said that I started at 11.50am. Actually, I was unsure what time I started. But I said"no! I started at 11.56." He continued arguing with me. After lunch, he started it again. He said to kor" what does use it for a while means?How long is the a while?" My brother said"it means fifty minutes plus." My younger brother insisted that he answered with a different answer"I mean 'a while', what does it mean?" Again, the same answer, my elder brother added"everytime when you said a while, you will take about one hour." Then the younger one said" I was playing games, it's different." I said" sometimes one takes about two hours, it's even worse than me." I was referring to my younger brother. Then, he said" I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT YOU! WHY MUST YOU SAY THAT?"I said" you were talking about me, I can read your mind, you are always like that."Then my mom stared at me.

Today when I was online in msn earlier this afternoon, Jacie login. I talked to her, and then apologised to her about not being able to celebrate her birthday with her, and also asked her some questions. I asked her" do you blame me for leaving you out? For not talking to you during the school party?" She said in the past yes, but now not really. I hope that she was telling the truth, but I am quite relieved now.I finally managed to think of a reason why Z would give Jasmine a letter like that. I think maybe she wants me to feel jealous. You see? She wrote 'you and me only', she doesn't want to let anyone else know that. And she should know that Jasmine would show me for sure, so if she knows that, she would be sure that I would be able to read. And then maybe hope that I would give her a call or send her a christmas card. But I hope that what she mentioned in the letter is true, because if it's not, it would hurt everyone.

Back in the past
An interesting thing today.. I met up with Jasmine at Bukit Merah Central, she showed me something which somehow dampened my mood. Makes me feel more confuse, and scared. It's like going one circle, and I don't understand how it goes. Forget it. Today when I was in the Library with Jasmine, I was looking for a chinese book, there was a man beside me, and then when I bent down a bit, I thought to myself"where did that man go?how come he's not there?" At that moment, I felt my butt knocking onto something, I thought to myself" how come the distance between two shelves are so near?I just moved two steps back." And I looked behind, the man was there! I jumped, and said"oops! Sorry, sorry!" When my butt knocked onto him,he still stood there, it's like either he didn't know that or feigning ignorance, he should have moved away immediately,I was wearing a skirt.He did something normal but not really right when he sat on a bench, I was like suddenly turned to look at him when he did that, and then pretended to be reading my book when he turned to look at us, I forced myself not to laugh, he walked away after a few seconds, and then we started laughing, I cried. And another man, he walked past Jasmine and me who happened to sit on the bench at that time, he looked at us and then at me, I wasn't imagining anything. He just kept on looking, and then me too did that. He even sat down on the floor beside the shelve almost my front, but not very near. So I was like" precaution!" He was still looking and then I covered my face with a book.

I had a great chat with Jillian today about the past, I really missed the times. Although our hearts remained as one, sometimes that isn't true, we could just say"hi" and then "bye" when we see each other in school. But I can say that Ally and her are my best friends ever, we quarrelled sometimes but forgot about everything the next day. We chased each other in school like it was no one's business, we played like we were small kids, we laughed like the whole world's with us, we danced as though there was music played, we cried as though something big happened, we fought with each other using hands, trying to see who has the greatest strength, we share happiness and sadness like real sisters. I love them, wahahhaa XD

I thought..
Yesterday was upset about few things. Firstly, after dinner, all my family members left the dining room to watch television, except for my younger brother, he was still eating. They left the plastic bags, the plates on the table. I just said to my younger brother" remember to place your bowl into the basin later."He immediately scolded me"N. B.., WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! I AM NOT A THREE YEAR OLD KID OKAY?! STOP TELLING ME TO DO THIS AND THAT! I KNOW WHAT TO DO AND I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO PLACE IT IN THE BASIN!" I just kept quiet, listened to what he said and said"I am just reminding you to place it in the basin, because in the past, you would just leave it on the table waiting for someone to help you with it."He said"I KNOW WHAT TO DO! YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMIND ME!" After eating his dinner, he did what he was supposed to do and switched off the lights and fan before walking away. I shouted for mom and she asked him what happened. He said that I started it first. I have to clear the table so I switched on everything and started placing them together before I bring them into the kitchen while wiping my tears.The reason I cried was because the words he used on me were really harsh, especially the word N.B. After that, I went to the room which my mom was at, and complained to her" just now, didi scolded me using a vulgar word." Then, she asked me"why?" I said"it's because I asked him to place his bowl into the basin and...and.." Before even completing my sentence, I started to be a crybaby again. My mom laughed and said"why let him agitate you? Once someone agitates you, you can't stand it." I really agree with her.

I won't mention the other things which upset me.

Yesterday, went into friendster, and sent messages to my friends.It was really lame.Do you know that? How am I going to find my kindergarten friends back? But I think that it's worth a try.

Anger, Frustration, irritation, worries, sadness. That's all I have got. Don't misunderstood me, I am not scolding anyone, just myself okay? Some close friends seem to be agitating me by doing something, I don't know if that is the case, but I just know that I am really very upset with myself. Please don't ask me what is wrong with me nowadays. At first, I asked J if she wants to go out with me, and in the end, I told her that I don't have money, so I can't go out with her. And I felt bad after thinking back what I said, and told myself that I have to get a job in order to earn money to go out.But after a second thought, she might not even be willing to go out with me, she might not even wants to go out with me. It's kinda obvious actually, when I asked her if she wants to go out with me, she asked another person to come along, and even changed the date to another date just to suit the person's time.It's either she tried to agitate me or she is starting to dislike me or she means no harm. Whatever the conclusion is, I am upset with myself.

Really..

Looking back
For the past few days, I have been searching for my kindergarten friends through friendster. I think I can really find them. I found one girl who was from the same kindergarten, and the same age as me. Just that I couldn't recall my classes which I was in. Today, I went to the store room, and started looking for my kindergarten photos, I have to admit that the boxes are really heavy, I struggled to carry them and push them aside. I told myself" use more stength, and you would be able to find the photos." I did used all my strength to carry them. My mom said that they are in one of the boxes and she told me which box it is. A box which contains my secondary one books happened to be on the top of it. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't move it. But in the end, I managed to, I didn't know how I did it. But anyway, I couldn't find the photos in the box. I felt so silly, I used so much strength to carry the box on top of it just to retrieve the photos, and it turned out that they aren't in the box. So I moved some boxes and continued searching, all my efforts went down the drain. I gave up, the only thing which I am happy about was that I still remember which box to place at a certain place. If I failed to do that, my mom will nag at me.

Going library soon, if my dad can't drive me there, maybe I have to try 855 by myself. I couldn't trust myself. I used my imagination to think how it would be like, it seems easy, like it's very comfortable.

Lol, my saving is decreasing. Can't go out with Jacie because of that. My mom said that she won't fork out the money for me anymore, she said that since I want to go out, I have to use my own money. At first, I was angry. But I thought to myself"she is right, why use her money when I want to go out?" Jasmine said that she was jealous when I went out with Jillian and Ally on the other day, haha. Actually, Jasmine, there's no need to be jealous. If I only go out with you, wouldn't you find that weird? She thought that I would be angry if she tells me that, lol, instead I ain't angry at all, I have to thank her for her honesty.

The time spent was worthwhile
I went back to school today to help Mrs Tan with the shifting of items from the yec room to the new yec room, Suet ting, Jasmine, Michelle, Jacie, Zhan soon, Anthony, Hpone and Jiaxi also came. Jasmine and I carried lots of things, and climbed the stairs up and down, the times were countless. I was doing something, and Mrs Tan told me to lead Zhan soon and Hpone to the IT Resource room which is our new yec room. They walked behind me, talking about soccer, Hpone asked Zhan soon" did you watch the Liverpool's match?" So, I talked to myself, no choice, they kept on chatting with each other. I walked very fast, and I was wondering if they could catch up with me, so for a few times, I would stop for awhile and looked back. Then I thought I heard them from above, they took the shortcut route! They didn't tell me. So, I sped up my pace, heh, I walked faster than them(: As I was holding the key, I had to unlock the door, So they actually know where the room is, they wasted my energy.

We made lots of trips in order to complete moving them all. Mrs Tan also asked us to remove the posters on the wall, and the thumb tacks too. There was one which was at a rather higher height.So, we girls couldn't take it down. Therefore, we pretended that we didn't know that there was one more left. Later, I saw a photo on the floor, so I picked it up and I wanted to paste it back onto the wall, and then Mrs Tan said"ehh, why one more left, why didn't you bring it down?" I answered honestly"we are not tall enough, couldn't reach it." She told Anthony to help with that. Once, Mrs Tan wanted to move something so she told Jacie and Michelle who were sitting on the chairs to stand up, and then at that time, they were already exhausted so they didn't really hear her.

At last, we managed to move all the things. So, we moved on to the new yec room. The guys were playful and were warned by Mrs Tan. Mrs Tan told us to place the baskets on the top of the box, we wanted to obey her, so we tried our best to squeeze all the baskets onto the tiny space, we even tried stacking them up. Then, she said"aiyo! if there is no place, then put them onto the floor la!"Lol.

After the "chores", Mrs Tan treat us to Horfun as lunch, the guys, Jasmine and I were told to go with them to buy the lunch. They walked really fast, within seconds, they were gone. Thus, Jasmine and I went back to the room. Soon, it began raining, lol. We asked permissions to borrow the umbrellas from the General office for them, as it was raining quite heavily. It is weird for us to borrow the umbrellas just to shelter them from the rain, but they are our friends. We were lent two umbrellas, and realised that one was spoilt at the side. Jasmine at first was using that umbrella, that meant that that umbrella, we would use it. And she was trying so hard to turn the umbrella into its original shape. But, I said"hey, why don't we use the other one? it would be easier." Then she agreed. Although we had an umbrella above us, but I was still wet from the rain. They were quite surprised to see us, but I just handed it to Hpone. And we crossed the road back to school. When they were back, one of them said"very clever right? give us the spoilt one." Lol. The funniest part was when Hpone jumped from the table onto the floor in the yec room, Mrs Tan said"Hpone!!" I was quite surprised to see him like that as usually he is well-behaved.
The time spent was worthwhile.

Nothing like that
I didn't sleep well last night, woke up two times, lol, I drank too much water. The first time, I went to the toilet and I didn't dare to step out of it, although my room is just outside the toilet. So, I went to the computer room as I saw dim light from the room, thus I thought that my dad was there. I went to seek for his help, since the toilet is connected both sides. I spoke unclearly" go..help me.I mean go to my room."Lol, but I managed to see my dad's expression, he was shocked. It has been years since I went to him like that. It was dark, actually maybe not really dark, perhaps it was because I just woke up.

Not really easy to fall asleep.. everytime I have to spend at least 15 to 30 minutes before I can sleep.Lol. Maybe it's better to tire myself out during the day.

Going back to school on monday.

I wiped around 26 windows today. But quite relieved now, they are all cleaned!

I looked through sec 2 maths, I don't understand a single word, only managed to understand a little bit after reading repeatedly for times. I must study harder.

It's a mistake.. superglue doesn't help. Only a mind of peace has a way.

Undone work
Jasmine is going out with Jacie today, lol, now kind of regretted for not agreeing to go out with Jacie when she asked me to. Anyway, I deserve it. Well..

I haven't decide on the date of when to go to the library with Jasmine. I don't know which date to choose, anyway I will find a way later. And I haven't complete the chinese holiday assignment, I just need one more book.

I have finished revising 1A chinese, well not a good news actually. I took so long to revise that particular book. There's something I have been wondering, should I be revising my secondary two's books? And not really looking forward to going back to school. I can imagine the problems coming to me, but I think the one who is worried now should be Jasmine. Jasmine, if you don't understand, sms me.

Most importantly, I haven't look for a job! Jasmine..do you want to look for one? If you don't want, I will see how it goes.

I haven't started practising the bus from school to home. Maybe try it when school reopens. I have studied the route, hopefully it's the right one. I have to go to the bus-stop opposite my school, but that's not the one I am worrying about. Undone work..

Think through
My second post of the day. I chatted with Clement's cousin, lol, I thought he is clement's best friend. I said"you are clement's best friend?" He said"erm.. actually we are cousins." Felt so awkward, and anyway, I apologised"sorry!" He said"relax, it's not so serious." And he asked me "how did you know clement?" I thought through everything.. before I even answer, in case I say something wrong and make him thinks that I actually have some kind of feelings for him. Clement can be considered one of the guys who knows me better, a little bit. Jasmine and I are always bickering with Si hao and him. It's really fun!

'Evil' is from India, you must be thinking"wah!! you even befriended a friend from India." Anyway, I don't really mind where friends come from. He is looking for a job, and he calls himself a noob. Sigh.. and he told me to go to India to open a Burger shop with him, ahaha. I nearly replied" employ some employees." It would be so rude as though I am the lady boss. Phew. He might have mistaken me if I said that.

Just on my part
Last night, I tried really hard to sleep, but in the end, I slept after 30 minutes. It's just like this, you don't understand.

I sms Jacie yesterday to ask her if she wants to go out with me one day. You are wondering why I asked her that right? Well, she had asked me to go out several times but I said"see first, because I am unsure." And I think she gave up asking me, so I thought that I should take the initiative to ask her. I waited the whole day for her reply, but she didn't reply.So I checked my 'sent items', I realised that I hasn't send her a single message. That's so silly. After knocking on my head, I started creating the message again and then sent. She replied so soon. Lol.

Just now, my dad bought the lunch back, three takeaways. One for my mom, that's for sure. So there were two left. I had to choose either one and the last packet for my younger brother. Curry chicken in one packet, pork chop in another packet. Then I told my dad to ask didi what he wants, my dad said"you choose first, first come first serve." Then my mom said"you take the pork chop, let your brother eat the chicken." I was kind of saddened. I said"okay." And I even gave my brother the egg and minced meat. I thought positively"didi is so skinny, he should eat more." Lol, that's the only way I can comfort myself. So I ate vegetables and pork chop, well my mom is bias, anyway, I am used to it.

A sad sad thing..
Today I wiped the windows, finally willingly helped out. I even stood on a chair to reach the top window, not tall enough. My mom said"why are you so short?" I said"when can papa and you grow taller?!"

When can I grow taller? Hmm.. My friend is 164cm tall. 'Evil' is 193cm tall, I don't know if he told me the truth. Aron said"why are you so short? are you stuck at this height?" Sighs.. at first, I am not the least worried, but now I am very worried.*Letting out a cry* lol. I asked 'Evil' his height, and after that he asked me what I am up to. I said"my friend is 164cm, so I want to ask around, to see if I am taller than anyone." Maybe that will make me feel a little bit relieved? He said" ooh,lol." Like he didn't believe me, he must have thought that I made up that story. Ahaha, he is wrong. 193? 185? 175? 168? 15...? Sad sad..

Simple yet happy.
Just finished reading a storybook which I had bought it yesterday, I wanted to buy Mr Midnight, but there were no new arrivals, so I thought I should buy another kind. I made the right choice, didn't choose the wrong one and even enjoyed reading it. It's another mystery book! Cool..mysteries. My mom told me to stop buying, and told me to borrow them from the library. I personally feel that it's kinda troublesome to borrow them from the library and then return them on a certain date. Regretted for reading it within a day.

Had a good chat with my msn friend, I added some of my friends in msn from GBWC, well, I never regretted adding them, they are nice people. The particular friend whom I chatted with just now, said"hmm..getting lost", after I asked how he has been doing. I just said huh? and he said nah, just kidding. Okay, honestly, don't really understand what he was trying to get at.

Don't know if there will be new arrivals of Mr midnight books, will be waiting ..
I couldn't believe what I am doing now, instead of revising my work, I have been wasting time. There should be no time to revise 3/4 of the work. Time flies..

A din.
My brothers quarrelled early this morning, just as I had expected, they quarrelled over the laptop when mom, dad and I were still sleeping. I heard them, but didn't bother, instead I continued sleeping.

I went out with my mom today. Hmm.. not bad actually. A young malay boy dropped a balloon so he asked the young chinese boy to help him pick it up. And do you know what happened? Just when the chinese boy picked it up, the balloon burst. So the malay boy went to pick up the balloon which had burst, and threw it onto the chinese boy's face. His grandpa saw what he did, and out of anger, he actually pushed and scolded the malay boy.

Thanks to Jillian for helping me to change the blogskin, I told her the information about the blogskin I want wrongly.So, of course she too changed wrongly. And she was kind enough to help me change again. Thanks! I can't download a blogskin, I think there is something wrong with my computer.

I chatted with my msn friend 'evil', he asked me how I am, so I just answered him"same." I asked about him , and he said"as what they say, a jobless loser." So, I asked him"who are the they?" He said" it's a saying or something." Lol, really getting more silly. I bet he must be laughing inside.

Even if I were to look for a job, most probably I won't be a cashier as I am not alert. Just a blur girl here.