Did I make mistakes again?
I read her latest post today. Did I make mistakes again? She wrote that she cried after using the computer yesterday. Before she logout, I was the one who chatted with her in msn. I am the culprit! The person who made her cry..I think. Sigh.. If that's the case, I have to thank myself for worsening everything. I seem to be always so stupid. It's all my fault, maybe I let her feel that I was irritated by her. It's not like that..it's really not. She mentioned that it's like 360 degrees change. The problem is that I don't even know what to say to her on the phone. I shouldn't have chatted with her yesterday in msn, I should have known better. What should I do now? I thought holidays might be better for me since I was stressed up during school days.But it doesn't seem to be better. I didn't know that things could happen during holidays too. Sorry.. I didn't mean it. Guilty of everything now, if I were the one who made her cry.. what should I do? I think it's because whenever she calls me, I will have something on and ends the calls, maybe when I was speaking to her, my tone was different from the one on school days. How could I?! I am really insensitive to my friend's feelings.

Today, my mom scolded me for being lazy, for not folding the clothes on the bed. She was in the room with my younger brother and me. And my younger brother and me started quarrelling again, she said"stop it!" But my brother turned a deaf ear to what she said, and he continued quarrelling with me. I said" lalala, keep quiet!" Then my mom shouted at me"GET OUT OF THE ROOM, GET OUT NOW!" I was really upset, because I wasn't the one who wanted to continue with the quarrelling. But I just said"okay, bye bye." Then I went into another room, and I heard her complaining about me to my brother, she deliberately said" THAT LAZY GIRL, SHE IS A GIRL AND YET SHE IS SO LAZY!" I told her to stop talking about me and told her that if she still wants to talk about me, she should not speak so loudly. And she still did that to me. It doesn't occur to her how much that hurts me, she is always like that, criticising me. But she has no idea how much tears I have been swallowing. She criticised me using hurtful words, and I can remember all of them till now although it has already been one to two years.

One of them included singing. So, whenever I want to sing, I will wait till all of them are not at home or when they are in another room, before I start on my singing. I am really hurt by this, she said that my singing is bad. So, I just cry to myself in a room, I fear to receive another criticism from her again as it hurts me badly. I am emotionally hurt, as she is my mom yet instead of encouraging me, she criticised me. She always talks about my bad points, not my good points. I tried my best in my studies to get her praises, to make her happy.But she told me not to be too proud, otherwise I won't do well. The encouragement which she gave me was" study harder, maintain the results, don't be proud." I just want to get her praises, the results are not to show off to others. She forgets it the next day , almost totally.