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8/21/2006
Stress..
I used to wonder why people cry because of stress,I used to wnder why people did all sorts of things to get rid of stress.Now, I understand.I studied for the past few days and I realised tt my memory is getting from bad to worse.My reactions are slower than before.When my Mom told me to do something, I have to think awhile before I understand her, or I have to ask her to repeat herself.Now, she is worried for me.She said tt if it's the studying which causes all tt, stop studying so hard.I want to remain in Express.No pain, No gain.Work first, Play second.I am going to hang on there as long as I could till I am so tired of it.Help me.I get tired easily as I used alot of energy, I guess.It's really tiring.

Zilin cried today.Pointless to not reveal her name as I had already revealed in some posts.And anyway, my classmates know tt she cried.I am not going to blame her for anything.When she cried, I didn't know what to do, I was at a loss.I felt guilty, sad, angry.These added on to my stress.She cried because of Jasmine and me, she said tt she feel very stressed.So am I!And can she ever understand me?When some of my classmates told me tt she cried because of us, can you imagine how I was feeling?How I felt inside?How much stress, sadness I have inside?I just kept to myself in the class.She finally told me the reason why she was angry with us.And she asked me three questions, she said tt I have to answer honestly or else I will be strike by lightning.Why make things so serious?And she told us to go for recess by ourselves, we thought she meant it and we really did what she said.Then, all these added on to her sadness and anger.She can't expect us to read her mind, what she is thinking? I don't understand.Before today,I asked her if she was angry, she said"no."I asked her why she was angry, she said"I am not angry."I told her not to be angry, she still like told me tt she was not angry.I apologised, I don't know if she accepted it at tt time.I did everything I could, all she could answer only confuses me.I can't read her mind. What does she want?She cried today, I am guilty, all of us are in the wrong.Looking at her crying tortured me.Really.Like I just did something mean to her.If Jasmine and her want to patch things up, it's okay with me.I won't want things to end up this way.Stress.Understand?She is not the only one.I am too.Homework, revising, insufficient sleep, everything.

~ { 8/21/2006 10:10:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;