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7/21/2006
What should I do?
I admit tt I was unfriendly to her today, I would really like to spend more time with my two close friends in my class.But, it was almost impossible.I was standing behind with her and my two close friends were happily chatting away.I felt sad not jealous.I asked myself questions"why am I not with them?"What should I do?"I lost my temper a few times today with her, the reason is because I am not patient enough, it's not her fault.I was frustrated and I didn't know what to do and plus she didn't understand what I said.I walked to the right, she too walked to the right, I walked to the left, she too walked to the left.So, I might as well stand somewhere like a statue.I need my own space and I would like to do what I really want to do.I lost my temper, I ran away with my two close friends leaving her behind during recess, but I just don't understand why she never scold me, why she never lose her tenper?why?!Of course I am not hoping tt she would lose her temper, I just want her to know tt there are actually other better friends whom she can confide in, whom she can trust in, who will treat her better, at least better than I do.I just don't understand.She could just shouted at me.Actually, I think I was doing the right thing when I lose my temper and ran away with my two close friends during recess.But, after recess, when we were outside the math homeroom, she said"I've uploaded the photos into my computer, so, when you are free, you can call me and I will login to MSN and send you the photos tt we took together." And I was like wondering"aren't you angry?""why didn't you scold me?"My heart suddenly..like became so heavy and I felt really guilty and bad for doing tt to her.I thought I was doing the right thing at first but I realised tt I was being selfish when I tried all means to join my close friends.But, I really want my own space.I don't mean tt she stopped me from going anywhere.I started questioning myself"am I doing the right thing?""is she feeling sad and hurt?"Am i being cruel?""why is she still so patient?"I wondered.

I am worried tt my two close friends will eventually get tired and tell me tt they don't want to be my friends anymore.This is childish.But, who knows what will happen?Maybe they will really say tt one day,and I will break into tears.I am not optimistic, always like tt.And if that happens someday, wad should I do?Of course it's not the end of the world.Lol, you won't believe it.Just now I thought about it, and I almost cried, I swallowed down my fears though.And I watched a show which was very pitiful, and my tears rolled down my cheeks.Friends turned into cruel people before you even realise tt, they can just sacriface you, just for the sake of feeling happier.They could do anything for tt.One of my two close friends said"don't pity her, and I won't suffer with you."That shows wad she is thinking of.And I know exactly wad she meant.She won't want to suffer with me, she would rather be happier and she can even leave me alone if that is one of the choices.

~ { 7/21/2006 09:38:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;