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6/22/2006

Appreciate..
The first mistake tt I've made this year is making frens with three of my current frens. But I didn't regret for knowing one of them..Things have changed..since this year.I've been too naive.. i tot things would be like before..I tot ppl will be all friendly and not mean. One said tt I'm her best fren in sec sch, but is tt true? Has she been using me all along? Often she told me to carry the things for her..Fine,I did..I don't mind if she has to do something, but after sometime when I got to know her better, I realise tt I'm like a slave to her,not a best fren..even when she is not doing anything, she will also ask me to carry the books for her..I told her to carry it by herself and her reply to me was"aiya, nvm, very fast one,we are going into the homeroom in a while."Her drawing is very nice, so sometimes, I will ask her to draw me something, she told me to provide the paper, okay, tt I don't mind, but from one piece of paper,she increased it to five! At first, I tot this will be the first and last time, never did I expect tt there are second, third and fourth times,hey, and why am I so stupid?I can't believe it! why did I still provide her with the papers?! If I am the past "me", I would have shouted at her..Once or twice, after she drank a cup of drink, she would asked me to throw it for her, and the bin is so near to her, but I ended up being the one throwing.Second fren did this to me too once..and she said"out of the three of us,the first fren,her and me, I am the one who is the easiest to be bullied." Yeah, I am stupid, I am silly to throw the cups away for them, to carry the books for her..The third fren of mine once criticised my handphone pouch, saying tt it stinks.. when its not.. she is angry because of something..okay, I can't blame her.Well, and these are a few examples only.. I tried to change my temper, my attitude, I tried to do everything..I tried to tolerate, I tried to be more generous, but did they realise tt? did they appreciate tt? Even if they don't know tt I am trying to do all these, they should appreciate..not to take me for granted.Agitating me with your words doesn't do any good.I tried to calm myself down when I'm angry, reason is because I don't want any regrets again, I want to treasure this frenship..and for the past six months, these are the memories I have.They didn't perish..should I feel sad for myself? should I hate them? No, I won't hate anyone!In the past, when I'm angry, I'll just shout at my frens, thats taking them for granted.. I didn't want to repeat these mistakes again..You can say tt its my choice tt I give in to them,I can stop giving in to them too..But I can't bring myself to..If I don't give in, they don't give in too, what will happen?Its sad when everything is still like this despite the efforts you put in to enable tt this frenship last longer.. its sad.Tired of all these because they don't seem to understand..On the other hand,I would like to thank them for letting me to have experiences of being sad,hurt,angry,happy,everything..and sadness,hurt and anger are the most frequent ones..I want to thank them for making me realise tt life can be so realistic..I mean it.

~ { 6/22/2006 09:59:00 PM }
Anywhere you are;